1. All Communication is Initiated by You

This is easily one of the most obvious indicators that something is up. If you miss this sign, then you're in straight denial. It's common sense: Girls like to talk. And talk. And talk. Oftentimes they just yammer on to the point where we start to block them out – and those aren't even the girls we're dating. When you're going with a gal, chances are that almost every time you two talk, it's initiated by her, and she's the one doing most of the communicating. For the most part, nothing can get a girl to shut up if she feels like talking. I mean, even when they're mad and don't want to talk to you, they repeatedly tell you that they don't want to talk to you (Aha! A clue, Sherlock!). But anyways, long story short: when she stops trying to talk to you, hide all the life jackets, because this b*tch is gearing up to jump ship.

2. She's Not Jealous Anymore

Remember all those “hoes” and “skanks” she used to accuse you of sleeping with? Or how every time you hung out with your best female friend she'd throw a fit, claiming that if you really loved her you wouldn't hang out with other girls all the time? Well believe it or not, that was good. Jealousy meant she cared. If she starts letting you hangout with whomever you want, without any sort of protest or snide comments, well you'd best believe you've got problems.


3. She Replies with One-Word Texts

This should speak for itself. We've already gone over just how much gals like to talk and communicate. When she can't even bother to respond to your texts with a full sentence, chances are that she just doesn't give a damn anymore. This doesn't necessarily apply if she was a sh*t texter from the get-go, although if she is a generally bad texter, you should be wondering why that is, as it might be indicative of a bigger issue. I say this because in general, ladies are much better at texting than us guys. So when a babe just happens to suck at thumb-talk, it's not because she hasn't had enough practice, it's because she consciously decides to send sh*tty answers – and that's cause for concern. Moral of the story: if she's giving you one-word replies, 9/10 times you have something to be worried about.

4. She Flirts with Other Guys In Front of You

Now this can mean one of two different things. The first possibility is that she's attempting to gain your attention by making you jealous. If this is the case, you're good to go, apart from the fact that you're dating a manipulative b*tch. If you're cool with that, then good for you. However, the sad alternative is that if she's not trying to make you jealous, then she is literally flirting with those guys with every intention of getting laid. And it's all happening right under your nose. Super.

5. She Signs Off Facebook Chat Moments After You Start Talking to Her 

Don't kid yourself man, at this point you know she's avoiding you. It doesn't matter what she says. If she logs off every time you attempt to talk to her, regardless of how long she's been online, then she's avoiding you like your parents avoided the sex talk back in the day. But on the bright side, at least she's being considerate in her attempts not to talk to you. I knew one gal that told me she had to go do some work, but couldn't even be bothered to log out. She even continued commenting on one of our mutual friend's threads, which I was also a part of. Needless to say, she and I aren't very close anymore.

6. She's Banging Other Dudes in Front of You

Similar to number 4, but with a certain twist (and pull, and tug). I shouldn't have to put this on here, but it's worrying how some dudes can't take a hint.


7. She Makes ZERO Effort to Look Good In Front of You

Despite what they might say, girls are vain. They want you to tell them how pretty they are. They might not “need” it, but they sure as hell want the praise. And when she stops desiring your approval and compliments, you're either married, or she's no longer interested (they're roughly the same thing; the only difference is that if you're breaking up at least you have the prospect of break-up sex – if you're married, you're just SOL).


8. She Doesn't Get Mad at You for Sh*t She Used To 

I know, in your head it sounds wonderful – finally being able to get away with scratching your balls and then taking a handful of popcorn from the shared bowl with that same hand without being screeched at. But believe you me, that's a bad sign. If she stops yelling, that means that either she's stopped caring, or she's just bottling it all up until she really explodes. Either way, you should be worried and shopping around for an apology/please-don't-break-up-with-me gift.

9. Her Friends Have All Stopped Talking Her Up In Front of You

This one is subtle, and not always noticeable, but if you pay enough attention and actually listen to her friends when they speak instead of blocking them out as white noise (novel concept, I know), you'll start to see that right around the same time she starts to drift away, her friends will stop making her look so awesome. Instead of saying how pretty she is and how funny her jokes are like they used to, they'll now proceed to start pointing out her flaws when she's not around (often at her request) to make her seem less attractive to you.  It's their way of starting to let you down gently. And though it sucks, there are some friends of hers who will really go the extra mile and hook up with you so you forget about her, which opens up a whole other can of worms that I won't deal with. But it's a fun can of worms, indeed.

Side-note, even though she may have asked her friends to do the whole she's-not-perfect thing, I guarantee that at least half, if not all of the stuff that they're saying about her is sh*t that they've wanted to say for a while. In a way they're actually sh*tting on her and it's almost like they're on your side.


10. She Files a Restraining Order 

It takes top-shelf talent to get to this point. But yeah, some guys need to be told that's it's over in a court of law, that's how bad they are at reading the signs. And that's saying something, when the signs leading up to this c*ck-blocking piece of paper usually include breaking up, moving out, and her repeatedly telling you to “stop following me”.


Of course, no article of mine is complete without a piece of unsolicited advice, and I'd hate to disappoint, so here it is: GUYS, READ THE SIGNS. I know that it sucks having to decipher her actions and behavior, but trust me, it's the only way you're going to have a heads up so you can dump her ass before she dumps yours. It's a dog-dump-dog world, and you don't want to be blind-sided, so get your sh*t together, read the signs, and know your situation.