It’s come to my attention that a large portion of the female population have laughed bros out of their dateable range of male candidates. Why? Apparently, these know-it-all women think that bros won’t make good companions or even friends, and turn up their nose at the very possibility of a bro boyfriend. Well ladies, this is foolishness! While you’re still rolling your eyes over the latest douche who’s too snobby to chug Bud Light Limes with you, or letting your mind idly wander while another gloating hipster spiels off his professor-like lecture about ’80s noise metal in Sweden, I’ll be happily dating bros. Let me break it down for you.
1. Bros Love Their Families
Do you know what the word “bro” is short for? It’s short for the word “brother” which is a relationship that obviously stems from the nuclear family. A lot of bros come from the Southern part of the United States or were simply raised in traditionalist (read: normal) homes. This means that while you might be fucked up emotionally because your younger brother won’t speak to the rest of your family and your parents haven’t lived together since you were 2—your bro boyfriend probably doesn’t have that emotional baggage! He doesn’t mind talking to his mom on the phone once a week because she gave him life and he’s pretty damn thankful for that (and also because she probably pays his credit card bill). Bros have a strong sense of self-worth because they have strong support system from their normal family! This is part of what leads them to replicate that system with other bros.
2. Bros Are Financially Stable
Aside from having a good relationship with their parents, bros aren’t wasting away in doubt like aspiring musicians and artists (Read: most man-babies that live in New York). Instead, they man up and get a real job as a hedge fund consultant or an accountant—basically anything in finance or business. Why? Because bros are logical and they know that working with money—or at a real job instead of freelancing font designing—leads to more money. And having money isn’t necessarily evil, in fact, it’s one of the best ways to reach a situation in life that lets you get serious about the future. But even if you’re not ready to settle down, dating who someone who can afford to take you to dinner at Per Se while he woos you is always a good idea.
3. Bros Are Zero Drama
Even if bros encounter a potentially dramatic situation, they subsume it with their all around good naturedness. Bros are all about having a good time, and part of doing that means keeping the peace. If you’re looking to start a fight with a bro by criticizing one of his habits, he’ll probably just change the habit instead of starting a fight. If you’re jealous of a girl that the bro previously hooked up with before your relationship, odds are your bro boyfriend won’t cut her out of his life entirely (that’d be rude, plus bros always keep their options open), but will just avoid her. Even if it seems like things are boiling on the verge of dramatic between you and one of your bro’s friends, he will calmly defuse the situation by suggesting a round of shots. Any true bro knows that nothing bonds people like tequila.
4. Bros Are Team Players
Most bros are already part of some structured organization aside from any sort of romantic relationship. Whether it be a fraternity, a sports team, or just a really good beer pong/flip cup partnership, bros know how to work and play well with others. This means that once you’ve got a steady thing going with a bro, he’s predisposed to work in tandem with someone else. You’re out of paper towels at your house and he’s at the store? A bro will pick them up for you without you asking or thinking twice about it. There’s a snowstorm about to hit your city? A bro will be planning how the two of you can wait out the cold together. Your most hated frenemy and her boyfriend are ahead in a deadly game of Taboo? Your bro will use every competitive bone in his body to help prove that your relationship is stronger—and full of more inside coupley-language jokes—than that girl who took your dream job as an Integrated Marketing Manager for Conde Nast.
5. Bros Are Good Listeners
Even if bros encounter a potentially dramatic situation, they subsume it with their all around good naturedness. Bros are all about having a good time, and part of doing that means keeping the peace. If you’re looking to start a fight with a bro by criticizing one of his habits, he’ll probably just change the habit instead of starting a fight. If you’re jealous of a girl that the bro previously hooked up with before your relationship, odds are your bro boyfriend won’t cut her out of his life entirely (that’d be rude, plus bros always keep their options open), but will just avoid her. Even if it seems like things are boiling on the verge of dramatic between you and one of your bro’s friends, he will calmly defuse the situation by suggesting a round of shots. Any true bro knows that nothing bonds people like tequila.
6. Bros Let You Have Your Girltime
Since the primary way for a bro to maintain his bro status is to recharge by spending time with fellow bros, he has no problem at all with your independence. In fact, bros will never be clingy because if they aren’t hanging out with you, they have a plethora of their bretheran on speed dial to call up and hang out with. This means you never have to fall into the black hole of the couple-only-hanging-out abyss that many young relationships veer into. You can be the woman that is happily dating a solid dude and still have mimosas with your clique every Saturday morning for brunch and still reserves Tuesday nights for mani-pedis with your best friend. Your adorable boyfriend will be drinking canned beer and having a great time with his bros—after all, you can always rendezvous after.
7. Bros Are Interested in Sex
Sure, it seems like this is a no-brainer, but seriously, there are a lot of guys out there who are lacking in the bedroom department. Either they have zero skill, or their realization that they have zero skill kills their sex drive, or they simply lose interest in sex once the relationship becomes comfortable. But not bros. Let’s get one thing out in the open: bros have a lot of sex. Which means, once they leave the land of hook-up heaven and settle down with their one special angel, you’re dealing with an experienced lover. Instead of looking at a sordid past full of one night stands as a bad thing, be thankful to the women who went before you, teaching your bro how to make sure that both parties go to bed satisfied. As much as a bro loves sex, there’s a certain pride that bros take in their abilities in this department, which leads them to study up on how to earn your accolades. If you’re tired of passive, uninterested sexual partners, look no further. After all, a gentleman always lets a lady come first.
8. Bros Are Always Down to Have a Good Time
Last minute open bar situation? Bros are down. Need someone to head to that elusive loft party with you? As long as there’s beer, a bro will show up to support you. What starts off as just a Sunday brunch with a few Bloody Marys can turn into an all-day bar crawl when you’re with a bro. It’s just the bro nature, they love to party. Instead of looking down on their carefree ways, just relax, and let yourself have the best night of your life every night. There’s no one who values YOLO-ing more than a bro, and in the end, that phrase has become iconic for a reason. As a wise philosopher once said, sleep is the cousin of death. You’ll remember the night out much longer than you’ll ever remember a hangover.
9. Bros Will Help You Maintain a Healthy Lifestyle
Bros like to look good, too, so they understand that the gym is an important part of your routine. Instead of luring you away from your daily dose of cardio, a bro will be putting in his time with the pull up bar. Even if partying is a huge component of bro life, leading a full and happy life requires putting in an effort to stay well-rounded and healthy. Endorphins are part of the reason that bros are so generally affable. But bros will also understand that looking good doesn’t happen instantly—they’ll never complain if it takes you 45 minutes to get all dressed up and they’re excellent at compliments. Plus, a little flirting at the gym makes exercising a lot more enjoyable.
10. Bros Love For Life is Infectious
Some people think that bros are just dumb jocks who drink beer all day and wrongfully judge them as mindless or aimless—that’s where the anti-bro contingent is the most wrong about them though. The truth is, bros have maintained a childlike love of life that is completely infectious. They are just as excited about their favorite team going to the Superbowl as they are about ordering a pizza. Once you start viewing life through a positive lens every good thing starts to look like a victory. Bros are the ones who have learned the most important life hack of all: being positive brings about positivity. If you date a bro, suddenly even the small things in your life will take on a sheen of positivity that you were previously too closed-off to consider. Date a bro and you’ll begin to see the world through rose colored beer goggles.