Presenting the top 10 most ridiculous comments we've read so far. Masturbation and pooping seem to be the common theme, so strap in.
1. janista: One day I watched people have sex in their car while I sat in my own car and ate cheesecake.
2. JonVanDyke: I have a story similar to this.
When I was living with my ex-, we spent some time in a rural part of the country and so we could afford a pretty big house. The only problem was that it was relatively secluded. It was “in town,” but this particular street was very wooded and so at night time it could get a bit scary.
So, I'm lying down in my bed masturbating away merrily while my ex- is watching TV in the other room. I'm pounding away and I come so, so close to climax…
Just as I climax, my ex- bursts through the door to the bedroom. “There are some guys outside on the porch and they tapped on the front window when they saw me!” My eyes shoot open and I stand up with a start. Stream after stream of c*m shoots out of my c*ck, most of it landing on the floor in front of my ex-.
We stare at each other. She has a look of horror from both the home invader and the unexpected semen discharge, I have a look of horror and shame. Finally, I grab a pillow to cover my crotch and run out into the living room after my ex-.
The two guys are there still, standing on the porch, but they look a bit alarmed. My ex- having run off startled them a bit, and when they saw us coming back I think they presumed that we were bringing a gun. Well, in fact, I was bringing a gun, but it wasn't loaded anymore– still cocked though.
I figured we had the element of surprise and terror to one-up them so I dropped the pillow, my still erect phallus swinging in their direction, and started to unlock the door. I started screaming “GONNA F*CK YOUR SH*T” at the top of my lungs over and over again. Both guys looked at each other and went completely pale. One of them was holding some sort of weapon I think but he screamed like a little girl and ran just as quickly as the other. I didn't even need to finish unlocking the door.
The terrifying thing is that this story is 100% true. I'm not even shitting you.
3. Traptin_85: when I was first figuring out masturbation and porn, I fapped to my mom's medical textbooks. I'm pretty sure those were all cadavers.
4. tchoob: One day, at a friend's house, we were swimming in his pool. He had gotten out, leaving me alone, swimming. I was interested to see what cum would look like in the water. For about ten seconds, my dick was a smokestack.
Also, that night I slept over his house and managed to rub one out to a picture of his sister that was hanging on the wall while I was laying on the couch.
Not even a throwaway.
5. emmetotter74: When I was 12 or 13 I spanked under the thing they put on you while getting a haircut. The woman was so hot and flaunted her boobs. Didn't take long.
6. EPluribusUnumIdiota: I've told this story before, but this is the shorter version.
I was a teen on vacation with the family. Decided to do my own thing and check out girls around the resort. Walking up to the pool area I noticed a woman was lying face down on her pool chair and her bikini bottom was too loose and her vagina was exposed. I kept walking back and forth to build up memory for later jerking. When I felt I was good to go I went to turn and go back to my room but then I saw my dad walk over to the woman and sit down next to her. It was my mom.
7. Arizzletron: I've pooped in someone's chimney before. They were home.
8. Spongi: When I was a teenager a girl left her pillow at my place. I didn't realize it was hers and used it as a fap rag for like 2 months straight and once it got too crusty to used I just tossed it into a corner and forgot about it.
It was a nice golden yellow and crunchy :/
So later on she comes over, sees the pillow and is like “oh there's my pillow” grabs it and leaves.
Later on she told me that pillow 'smelled really good and reminded her of me' and she slept on it for months.
9. nanomikki: I stared into the reflection of myself on the car window next to me to fix my hair and check if I had anything in my teeth. To my horror, I looked closer and discovered there were people inside the car staring back at me, terrified.
10. -JS-: Let's see here. I once jacked off and used my mom's bra to wipe up, then put it back in her bra drawer. I had sex with a stuffed gorilla before I was producing, so instead of c*mming I peed all over it. I once had like 6 dudes jacking off in my room at one time, I was included. I farted in my mom's cereal and watched her eat it. I used to dig in my ass hole to get the shit out whenever I was constipated. I used to film myself fapping so I could see if I looked like the dudes in the pornos. I injured my spine trying to suck my own penis as a kid, had to go to the doctor, told him I fell off my bed.