The majority of us have been on Facebook for over half a decade now. Over the course of that time, we and the people around us have seen some things and done some stuff. People who you may have considered your "friends" back in 2007 may now carry more disdain-filled titles, or may simply no longer be a primary focus of the radar. 

But arguably more compelling, is this strange thing that happens as we move on from high school, and then college. The people that once played regular or even recurring roles in our lives have left the set,  increasingly rendering Facebook as yes, this place to keep up with our friends, but also a place to look into the lives of people we once knew. And with the passage of time, you could see these really interesting, often hilarious long-term story arcs developing. Meaning that somewhat involuntary, many of us are following a strange series of somewhat connected reality shows, made all the more intriguing because of our personal associations. Below is a small sampling of the sort of shit you've probably encountered:

1. The Soundcloud DJ

Big dubstepppp track dropping 2DAY. Git Excit3d, yo.

Impressively, this lover of frozen potato skins has parlayed his laptop ownership into a full-fledged career as a person who talks about using a computer program to make noises. He’ll often be motivated/encouraged by entourage of similar-minded Bros, all of whom have a remarkable affinity for knowing everything that’s on television at 2pm. Unconfirmed, but they may also be the same loose band of people who exhibited strange drooling habits well into middle school. 

Key Storylines to Watch:

• Do you find yourself anxiously awaiting his next track, inexplicably baffled as to why you're so suddenly invested in this?

2. Person Who Started a Blog

Whether they're a  20-something just tryna make it in the big city, a speciality cake enthusiast who claims “sugar makes the world go round,” or a self-deprecating Aubrey Plaza wannabe who hopes be recognized and embraced for their quirky yet lovable flaws, there's a decent chance someone you know has recently created a personal narcissist amplifier, AKA a blog.

Key Storylines to Watch:

• Do the "likes” and comments on their posts feel organic, or sympathetically obligation-induced?
• Will they over-promote to the point of exhaustion?
• Will they tease posts with self-important text such as “this week we tackle...,” insinuating there is actually a loyal fanbase?
• Will they make it past five posts?
• Will you begin to notice a considerable decline in how much you like this person?

3. The Couple Who Got Married Way Too Early, Have a Kid, and Clearly Won’t Make It

Too real/depressing/terrible to mock completely. Only cause the kid though.

Key Storylines to Watch:

• How many times per week is social media employed to publicly declare sentiments of everlasting love?
• When something is wrong--do we see statuses consisting of profound, substance-heavy statements about people and relationships, with a dark and depressing spin?
• Is there someone commenting “everything ok?” under that status?

4. Sports Event Bandwagoning

One of the worst manifestations of the “Facebook is no longer cool” era is what occurs following the conclusion of a big-time, social network-relevant sports event. For instance, having graduated from Georgetown, “our” recent victory against Syracuse saw a Facebook natural disaster reminscent of the total devastation seen in the Aaron Eckhart vehicle, Battle: Los Angeles. 

What’s annoying about this isn’t so much people being genuinely excited about a big-time victory. That is actually pretty cool, and I urge you not to allow the army of snark that is the internet limit you from actually having genuine emotion. The problem occurs though, when half of the people making these statuses are simply cashing in on the fact that something occurred, and thus find it necessary to join the conversation in hopes of enhancing or maintaining their social relevency. It’s this terribly shitty herd mentality, the same one that explains why people who hated dubstep 3 years ago now feel the need to say the word “Skrillex” every so often. 

Key Storylines to Watch

• How many of these “postgame statuses makers” also make statuses when the team is not playing?
• How much mutual validation is occuring? (I’ll like your status if you like mine)
• Is it more exciting to watch the game on Facebook/Twitter, or on television?

5. The Perpetually Single Girl

She wants nothing more than a boyfriend, which fully explains why she’s been unable to find one for the past three years now. I could imagine these sagas get more and more entertaining as people begin to announce engagements, post sonogram pictures, and unabashedly shove life achievements down everyone’s throats. You sort of have to feel bad for this specimen, but it’s tough to find higher quality entertainment.

Key Storylines to Watch

• Will she tend to showcase relationshippy activities (i.e, a picture of homemade guacamole, captioned “date night!”), and tag her best friend?   
• Will she enthusiastically dedicate Valentines day to a pet, her family, an institution, or a geographic location? 
• As time passes, are her general sentiments getting more and more aggressive?
• Are you increasingly concerned that a hysterical breakdown might be on the horizon?