Facebook has ushered in a whole new era for bro-kind. It's given us immense power when hooking up. It's kept us in touch with bros of the past. Facebook has revolutionized our world in many unexpected ways. It also made Mark Zuckerburg filthy, stinking rich. Nothing kills productivity at the workplace quite like checkin' the ole newsfeed. These are all things you probably knew about Facebook, here are 10 things you didn't.
Death By Facebook
Facebook is many things, but you probably weren't worried about it killing you. As it turns out, Facebook can actually kill. We've all felt the vicious sting of finding out that someone has unfriended us. It burns one's soul and can rile up a preternatural urge to slay. Facebook has actually led to actual murders. One such incident involved a father who gunned down a couple who unfriended his wacko daughter who was harassing the victims. The next Facebook murder will most likely be a response to a person who is at their wits end with Farmville requests, so to protect yourself don't send those things to anyone.
The Great Burger King Unfriending Initiative of 2009
Burger King has always lived in the shadow of McDonalds. This has forced them to approach their advertising in unique and outside of the box ways. Lots of businesses use Facebook to promote their products or services. They typically run commercials asking for likes on their page or give away free stuff for interacting Burger King decided on a different approach. In 2009, they actually offered a free Whopper to people who unfriended 10 people on their Facebook account, which is ironic since consuming enough Whoppers can definitely lead to a slimmer friend list.
The Icelandic Facebook Constitution
Iceland is a truly magical place. 1 in 12 people in that country claim that they have seen an elf. You can look that one up.. we're serious. They are unique. Bjork is from there. It's weird as shit. The bizarre nature of Iceland has made way for a really revolutionary way to govern. They are actually drafting their new constitution on Facebook, allowing regular citizens to interject their opinion of how the should be governed. A ton of elf control legislation is expected.
Facebook is Blue Because of Zuckerburg's Colorblindness
As it turns out, the boy genius does have weaknesses. Zuckerburg is actually color blind and can't see red or green. The blue color of Facebook is actually due to Zuckerburg's poor genetic makeup. It's gotta be maddening to not be able to see the true color of the nipples on all the titties billions of dollars can bring into your life. THAT is Zuckerburg's true curse.
Blood Type is a Big Deal in Japan
Apparently, outside of making the most insane and hilarious youtube videos on the planet--the Japanese hold a person's bloodtype as to a huge indicator of their personality. This has led to blood-type related condoms and other products. It's such a big deal over there, that Facebook actually includes a blood-type selection on Facebook profiles. Still no word yet on whether or not the used-panty-dispensing vending machines will ever get their own fan page, though.
Are You Dead? Facebook Has Ya Covered!
Nothing stops a pointless "STOKED FOR THE WEEKEND" status update quite like a visit from the Grim Reaper. If he pokes ya, it's over. So what happens to a person's Facebook after they die? Facebook's crack team of developers have brought a solution to the table. There is actually a deceased option. You really have to prove it to them and bring a news article about the person's death. Hopefully, with a little luck-- this article leads to a mass epidemic of Facebook death pranks.
Happy Facebook Statuses Piss People Off
Nothing bubbles up a raging anger in your belly quite like reading a happy status on a less than stellar day for you. "Life is good!" "GOT THE JOB!" "SHE WAS DOWN WITH ANAL!" are all happy phrases, that according to a recent study actually incite anger in the poor bastards who accidentally read these. The lesson we can learn here, is to solely share BroBible articles on your Facebook page to avoid upsetting your friends.
Until the dawn of Facebook, there was only one kind of illegal poking. Now there is two. A Tennessee woman was actually arrested for harassment for going a little poke-crazy. Facebook actually helped with the investigation. Poking has since gone away and it seems we have finally closed that very dark chapter of the Facebook story.
Condom Company Unique Facebook Ad
Condoms are a bummer due to the fact that they deaden your weiner-sensation like a shot of Novacane. Less feeling in your junk is a small price to pay to keep a bouncin' baby nightmare out of your life and away from your bank account. One condom company took it to the next level and actually sent messages to potential consumers from their unborn child. Boners everywhere shuttered in fear upon receiving one of these messages.
Zucerkburg's Pakistani Arrest Warrant
We've seen what happens when anyone says or does anything on the internet about the Prophet Muhammed. It's because of this that The Zuck will never be allowed to step foot into the beautiful country of Pakistan. He actually has an arrest warrant in that country for holding a "Draw Muhammed" Facebook contest.What's the sense in having all that money if you can't even vacation in Pakistan?
Like gettin learned up? Check out these other articles by Andy about stuff you didn't know!