I regularly get emails from guys here on BroBible but recently it's been the same questions over and over. I honestly don’t know why this is a more recent occurrence, I can only hope it’s because fellow bros are actually going out there and trying stuff.
Anyway, a lot of dudes have asked me about overcoming that dreaded fear of rejection and/or how to deal with approach anxiety. I’ve basically put both issues in the same basket since they’re pretty much the same thing: Don’t have the guts to go and talk to women.
Before I even dive into the subject, I want to be absolutely clear on one thing. You will NEVER be able to stop getting rejected; you might reduce how often it happens but you’ll never eliminate it completely. Just so you know, I still get rejected every time I go out.
Having said that, let’s start with the first thing on our agenda.
One Shall Not Fear Rejection But Instead, One Shall EMBRACE It!
That’s right. The above statement should be engraved into your mind. Rejection is a good thing; you can never reach your true potential unless you get rejected. Here are just a few reasons why:
• It tells you that the game you spit may be awful (work on improving it)
• It tells you that there may be something wrong with your appearance (work on improving it)
• It tells you that you should try a different approach (try a different approach)
• It tells you that you may have been drinking too much or not enough (adjust alcohol level)
• It tells you that she has a boyfriend (move on to the next one)
• It tells you that this chick DOESN’T deserve you (move on to the next one)
On that last note, let’s look at the mindset you should have towards rejection, and getting women in general:
You’re a smart, funny, good looking and successful guy. Any woman able to land such a piece will be the luckiest person in the world. You are very aware that all women want you badly but unfortunately you can’t have them all so, you give random women ONE chance of being with you. If they’re too selfish/stupid/ignorant to realize what they’re losing, who do you think is the only one that’s missing out? It can’t be you because all girls would be incredibly lucky to score you. As a result, the only one that’s losing out is that poor girl that missed her one and only chance to be with you.
That being said, I must ask you: “Why should you take rejection personally, why should you even care?” Exactly, you shouldn’t!
But Alex, if I’m so amazing/gorgeous/smart/funny why are girls rejecting me in the first place? Because you fail to show them your true value! Work on improving that ability and you’ll be wrapped up in women, all the time. The funny thing is that you can only work on that ability if you approach and approach and stop fearing rejection. This whole thing is interconnected, without doing one thing you can’t get rid of the other.
Now that you know rejection is good, let’s look the best way to overcome it.
The 3 Second Rule
This is the absolute best rule that will help you deal with either approach anxiety or fear of rejection. If you download the free eBook I give out on my site, this is the VERY FIRST thing I discuss. It’s the fundamental rule behind any guy that wants to start getting good at scoring women and it was also the first thing I read about when I was introduced to this whole “pick-up” thing many years ago.
The rule basically dictates that you should approach any woman you deem worthy within no more than 3 seconds from seeing her. If you follow the rule, you don’t give your brain any chances of talking you out of it.
If you’d stare at the chick for a period of time, you’re magnificent brain would tell you that you’d either get rejected, thus making a fool of yourself or that you simply CAN’T approach her because you’re scared that something bad will happen.
Don’t worry about what you’re going to say to her, just walk up to her and say “Hi”. As previously discussed a million times before, “Hi” is the best overall opener and you can just continue on that with something situational (even something as bad as “the lighting is terrible in this place” which will probably get you at least a smile). If you can’t yet muster the courage to continue the approach, just say “Hi” to 20 or so women and then try to continue.
But Alex, mindlessly approaching random women within 3 seconds will truly give us some random results. That’s right, it will. However, in the initial stages (when you still fear rejection) it’s the only thing you can do to overcome this fear. Only after you’ve done hundreds of such approaches, will you actually have the following abilities:
• Know what to say with the lowest rejection probability.
• Know the signs that she’s open to meeting new people.
• Know the signs that she’s open to meeting you out of all those people.
• Know how to deal with a “bitch shield” which often times, guys take as direct rejection.
Finally, after you’ve accepted that rejection is normal and started applying the 3 second rule on a regular basis, losing this fear will be natural. You will only fear it in the beginning.
Here’s how the whole thing works
You fear rejection, you can’t approach women –> You start using the 3s rule and start approaching women –> You get rejected, still fear it, but keep approaching women –> You stop caring about rejection and start caring about your game – >You work on improving your game –> You get rejected a whole lot less –> You embrace rejection because it’s the ONLY thing that improves your game – > You’re a player!
That’s right; your game can’t improve unless you get rejected. Why not make it your mission to get rejected at least 20 times this weekend? I’ll bet you my house that if you actually approach 20 chicks, you’ll get at least 3-4 numbers and a second date. Who knows, you might even get the bang.
This is the sort of stuff I discuss on my blog and in the free eBook I give out. If you want to increase your success with women, visit ThePlayerGuide.com – a place where the dating mindset is thrown out the window in favor of more direct and fruitful methods of meeting and seducing women.