Face it: Your Twitter feed needs an upgrade. You might be only following kids you barely know from high school and college, or the same ESPN'ers regurgitating trade rumors you already see every day, or a stale "comedy" account RT'ing jokes everyone on the Internet has already heard, whatever... Bottom line: It will be useful to be exposed to new people, new information, and new dick jokes in the coming year.
We've culled our feeds to come up with 25 suggested accounts for you to follow in 2013. They're not ranked in order of importance, although No. 1 is arguably in the correct spot. Is this a definitive list? Of course not. If you know of any other quality accounts—save your own, you self-promoting bastards—leave 'em in the comments.
25. Jimmy Traina
The man who runs Sports Illustrated's Hot Clicks is a one-man machine of delivering news we enjoy seeing, from a funny take on sports (that doesn't ignore its gambling side), to, of course, quality pics of SI's swimsuit models. Also, he may be the world's biggest Howard Stern fan—if you abide by the Tao of Baba Booey, you'll have a definite kinship.
24. Chrissy Teigen
The funniest model on the planet and, it should go without saying, one of the hottest, Chrissy candidly gives her followers a look into her strange life while also writing things that make you spit up your coffee. She sometimes makes fun of her fiancee (who is somewhat famous in his own right), too, which is an added bonus.
23. Dean Norris
Norris edges out other Breaking Bad'er and prominent Tweeter Aaron Paul because, well, he's funnier. Hank Schrader just joined Twitter, but he's already poked fun at creator Vince Gilligan, shared exclusive photos from the set (where the final season is being filmed), and, of course, delivered what may be the best Tweet in the history of the social media service.
The gold standard of how to profit off Twitter, comedian Harris Wittels parlayed a popular Twitter account that RTed douchebrags (hey, new word) boasting about their accomplishments under the guise of false modesty into a column on Grantland and a book deal (at the age of 27). Humblebrag has been around for a while, but it's still fun to laugh at the idiots the account features.
Bonus public shaming accounts: Follow @fart to be exposed to RTs of people asking questions that have plagued man for centuries, like "What are clouds?". And follow Neil Hamburger, who sometimes RTs people who complain about having food poisoning from Taco Bell. Yeah, I don't know either, but it works.
21. Mike Birbiglia
A modern master of the one-liner, Birbigs' comedy is perfectly suited for Twitter. Sometimes, though, self-deprecation gets to be a bit too much.
20. Michael Che
We've alerted you to Che before, but it's worth saying again: Keep an eye on this guy. He's one of the country's top up-and-coming comedians, and you're going to want to one day say you knew him before he hit it big. As for his Twitter account... For what it lacks in proper grammar, it makes up in hilarious observations on race and politics and living in the big city. Give him a follow.
Look, I'll just cut to the chase. Rihanna tweets pictures of herself in some state of undress nearly every day. It's worth dealing with the nonsensical thoughts, pictures of Chris Brown, and highlighted Bible verses she'll sometimes weirdly post.
At nearly 1,000 Tweets, it's more or less impossible that GS Elevator is running solely on overheard conversations in the Goldman Sachs elevator anymore, but for politically incorrect humor with a right-wing tinge, you can't beat it. Think of your wildly wealthy friend who you just can't hate because everything he says is too ridiculous.
17. Avicii's Flannel
Robb swears by this one, and I'm not totally sure if it's just a clever parody account of house maven Avicii's ubiquitous flannel shirts, or a really, really clever account making fun of both parody accounts and EDM as a whole. ("Let's make love and listen to old disco records," has me leaning toward thinking it is trolling.) Anyway, it's a solid excuse laugh again at the absurdity that is the Avicii-Ralph Lauren partnership.
16. The Fat Jew
Wildly offensive and undeniably hilarious, the Fat Jew doesn't just make videos of hookers reenacting scenes from Braveheart. He also runs a pants-wettingly funny Twitter account. Be warned, though, guys in class/cubicle jockeys with a computer angled toward your boss: He'll throw a more-than-occasional NSFW link up.