This is a mixed bag of insanity.
Mercy has been on the streets for a few years now—you may have read about it during its splashy rollout a couple of years ago—but the drink began popping up across New York City delis and bodegas recently, and our interest is peaked.
What does Mercy do, exactly? Its makers claim that drinking the citrus-flavored beverage before a night of drinking will stave off a hangover, thanks to its certain combination of antioxidants and vitamins (including a 5000 percent daily dose of Thiamin, which can't be good). For anyone who gets those crippling, queue-up-Netflix-and-stay-in-bed hangovers, even a dubious proposition like Mercy might be worth trying out.
(But, just to give a PRO TIP: Chugging water right before you go to sleep probably does the same job. And it's cheaper.)
Hahahaha, just kidding. What the fuck is this? A way to trap yourself in your very own bubble, ala John Travolta in 1976? The Nubrella calls itself the world's first hand-free umbrella, which would make it pretty handy, but dear God, this looks to me like a sign that Kickstarter is starting to eat itself. There's no way anyone will seriously go out in public looking like that asshole up there.
Bro, do you even lift? Serious bodybuilders know that the way to get results is to find the right nutritional supplements—your energy bars, your protein powders, your fat burners, your raw eggs that don't contain salmonella. The JACKEDPACK sends you, monthly, everything you need to recover from a brutal workout session. Never go in a GNC again! That's worth a fortune.
World's Largest BBQ Pit, $450,000
Brandon is our resident smoked meat enthusiast, and on Tuesday he managed to write about this BBQ pit in between fits of incapacitated drooling on his desk:
After consuming a truly unhealthy amount of meat over the long 4th of July holiday, my meat sweats still have meat sweats. Still, being a red-blooded American carnivore, my skin started to ooze succulent pork juice upon seeing this tanker truck-sized barbecue pit. Located near Brenham, Texas, it's over 76ft. long, has 24 doors, and a walk-in cooler with beer taps. It also has room for a home theater, because EVERY Texas-sized barbeque pit needs a place for grown men to sit around and fart out their meat while watching the game.
It's for sale for $450K, which sounds like a fine investment in my book. Can you imagine how much of a boss you'd be this fall at your tailgate? True gamechanger status.
I love the Texas state at the end of the thing. No one loves the physical look of their own state more than Texans. You never see people from, like, Wyoming sticking their state on everything they can. A unique Texas phenomenon.
Ray-Ban just released its summer 2013 collection, featuring foldable versions of its famous retro glasses (as well as a few new colors). And, if you're wondering whether to finally buy a pair, keep in mind that the Wayfarers have been around for a while now. That frame design may never go out of style.
I Wear the Black Hat, $15.49
Chuck Klosterman is who bros like to read when they want to argue about pop culture on a level deeper than just debating between Jessie Spano or Kelly Kapowski. (Klosterman's essay on Saved by the Bell, actually, is one of his most interesting.) The writer's new book of essays, I Wear the Black Hat, promises to take on only one subject, villains in society—addressing how people practice evil deliberately, and how someone like OJ Simpson can have the balls to write a book like If I Did It. Early reviews have been positive.
The answer to what you get when you cross the packaging of the King of Beers with booze fit for the King of Scotland, Sir Edwin's Blended Whisky is distilled and matured in Scotland for three years, then cased in cans for easy transportation. This is more than likely a terrible idea—but you can't deny that outdoor liquor drinking has never been easier.
Hey, hey! A cooler with speakers. Be the life of the beach party. Blast NWA as loud as you can. Families will love it.
Balmain Sailboat Kit, $2,500
Over the course of a couple of weekends, you can build your very own sailboat. A 47-page book of step-by-step instructions is included with the kit, so, yeah, it should go without saying that this isn't a project for Ikea dropouts. But if you stick with the kit, girls are going to kill to ride in a boat you built with your BARE FUCKING HANDS.
For when you're piloting your sailboat.