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WTFlorida: 10 of the weirdest, wackiest, and most WTF news stories from Florida

By / 08.28.14

There are simply too many ‘WTF’ stories to come out of Florida every week for me to report on in real-time. So to give you the best-of-the-best, here’s the 10 most WTF news stories from the Sunshine State in the past week, your weekly collection of WTFlorida.

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Guy shoots up strip club because they wouldn’t let him leave with beer

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Every guy has his own strip club routine. Some guys like to show up and make it rain, some guys like to jump right into the dances, others like to sit back for a while and survey the land. This Florida Man, well, apparently he likes to get hammered and shoot up the club.

As we reported here on Guyism earlier in the week:

This guy just wanted to take his beer with him, which is frowned upon by just about every liquor selling establishment, so he voiced his displeasure by opening fire on the club.

Just before 2 a.m. last Thursday, cops were called to the Shark Lounge (awesome) after reports that an angry patron opened fire on club personnel. Employees of the club told cops that Krishna Swamy left VIP area of the Shark Lounge in a huff because they wouldn’t let him leave while holding on to a cold one.”

To read a full account of the incident, head on over HERE.


Crotchety resident asks police to shut down a 12-year-old’s ‘illegal lemonade stand

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How miserable do you have to be in order to implore the police to shut down a 12-year-old’s lemonade stand, claiming it to be illegal? Answer: apparently as miserable as T.J. Guerrero, 61, of Dunedin, Florida.

The Tampa Bay Times reports:

“It’s all about profit,” said T.J., who has paired his lemonade earnings with lawn-mowing cash for an iPod, snacks, his cellphone bill, trips with his grandfather and dinners with his mother.

But the boy’s entrepreneurial spirit has rankled at least one neighbor, who has emailed City Hall at least four times in two years and asked law enforcement to shut T.J. down.

Doug Wilkey contends that the Palm Harbor Middle School student’s year-round operation is an “illegal business” that causes excessive traffic, noise, trash, illegal parking and other problems that reduce his property values.

Thankfully for everyone involved common sense was actually applied (I know! How rare!!!), and Greg Rice, Planning and Development Director of Dunedin was quoted as saying: “We’re not in the business of trying to regulate kids like that; nor do we want to do any code enforcement like that,”

So there you have it, crotchey-ass old neighbor being crotchety gets shut down by people with common sense, and haven’t began to hate life yet. What is it that they? All’s well that ends well…that’s it, right? For full details (and video) you can head on over to the Tampa Bay Times.


Florida Starbucks is home to 11 hour marathon of (378) patrons ‘paying it forward’

It all started at 7am last Wednesday at a Starbucks in St. Petersburg…a customer pulled up to the drive-thru window, paid for their order, but then they paid-it-forward by covering the cost of the customer’s order behind them. And thus, an 11 hour ‘pay it forward’ marathon was born.

USA Today reports:

A woman drove up and paid for her own iced coffee at 7 a.m. Wednesday at a St. Petersburg store, and also asked to pay for a caramel macchiato for the driver behind her, who then did the same for the next customer.

After people ordered their drinks and drove up to the window, barista Vu Nguyen explained that the drink had already been paid for and asked if they’d like to return the favor. In total, 378 people agreed to keep it going.

The baristas thought that if the chain lasted until closing, at 10 p.m., they would put the remaining money on a gift card and continue the next day, according to the Tampa Bay Times. But the chain finally ended in that evening.

At 6 p.m., the 379th customer ended the chain by ordering a coffee and declining to pay for the next one.

For a full account of the incredibly odd display of community, head on over to USA Today or the Tampa Bay Times.


NOPE!!!! Nest containing up to 35,000 dangerous and stinging yellow jackets discovered, destroyed

wasp-manly

A Winter Haven resident by the name of Fred Smarte first took notice of the yellow jackets and their hive back in March, then it grew in to a record breaking hive of NOPE!

According to reports, the volume of a yellow jacket nest/hive is measured by the volume of water it would be able to hold, and this record setting one was estimated to be able to hold over 35 gallons of liquid.

It’s reported that the nest was so massive the residents of the home could actually feel the buzzing within the walls of their home. I mean, there’s so much f*cking NOPE here I don’t even know where to begin.

A) If you see a dangerous insect nest just treat it immediately before it has a chance to become a record-setting hive of insanity.

B) What the hell Florida?! Why are you the Australia of North America, where every wild animal exists with the express purpose of ruining lives? I love you, I claim you as my home state Florida…but daaaayum, hopefully climate change drives out some of those asinine species.

For more on the story you can read our full write-up on Guyism by clicking HERE.


High end South Florida condos bullied into changing their name by terrorists

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According to multiple reports, a luxury condominium building planned for downtown West Palm Beach in South Florida is being forced to axe their name which they share with a group of Islamic extremist terrorists who have been dominating headlines recently.

The building’s original name was ‘ISIS’ which is also the name of an Islamist Extremist group currently making headlines worldwide for the worst reasons imaginable.

WPTV reports:

ISIS Downtown is a major development being built in West Palm Beach. ISIS is also one of the names for the al-Qaida splinter group behind the recent beheading of American journalist James Foley.

The Palm Beach Post reports the new building is now being called 3 Thirty Three Downtown.

The developers haven’t commented on the change. Tim Harris, the past president of the Realtor Association of the Palm Beaches, said the prior name had become “scarily negative.”

For further details and my rant on the saga now known as ‘How South Florida let the terrorists win’ you can read our write-up here on Guyism.


Florida Man barricades himself inside meth house, throws a toilet at imaginary attackers

Facebook

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Is there anything more quintessentially WTFlorida than a good ‘ol meth lab story? According to reports, a newspaper delivery person was going through their paper route (really?!) in the wee hours of the morning when they heard a commotion coming from a house in Sneads, FL, they decided to investigate….because why the hell not?

The Dothan Eagle reports:

Three people were yelling for help and banging wood on an upper-story window sill to get her attention. They told her they’d been shot at and held hostage for several hours. She called 911. Law enforcement officers and emergency medical teams were dispatched.

Once officers were able to convince the three that they were with law enforcement, the investigators talked with the occupants and concluded that they had hallucinated the attack. They fired several shots from inside the house, officials indicate, trying to defend themselves against imagined intruders.

Debris found outside under a window included a toilet that had been ripped from the floor and thrown to the ground, officers say, in an attempt to drop it on an attacker who didn’t exist.
The woman and two men had told authorities they’d been attacked by several people but could not provide any descriptions. The woman said she’d been stabbed and that the knife broke off in her abdomen, authorities reported.
But the officers discovered that she only had a superficial scratch on her abdomen. Officials determined that her wound and other injuries noted on the three people were self-inflicted while attempting to fight off imagined attackers, authorities finally concluded.

HOLY $H*T this is one of the most absurd stories I’ve read all week. You really should head over to the DothanEagle and read the full account.

It’s been said tens of thousands of times, but I feel the need to repeat it once again now: METH, not even ONCE.


Man records himself as he’s attacked, hospitalized by police for…not rolling his window down far enough

The miserable PR for police seems to be flowing as strong as Niagara Falls these days, amirite? Every hour of every day a new video or story emerges of police brutality. Let me back pedal for a moment, I THINK THAT 99.9% OF THE POLICE ARE GOOD, AND SHOULD BE TRUSTED AND RESPECTED. But it seems the bad eggs of the police forces nationwide haven’t come to grips with the fact that people own dash cams, and set recordings, and their bullsh*t shenanigans will be recorded and shared with the world.

The video above is from LiveLeak, the description is as follows:

A horrifying video has emerged showing St. Petersburg police forcing a man out of his car before pouncing on him, leaving him hospitalized with several injuries, all because the cop claims he was in fear for his life.

At least that what he says in his report, where he wrote the following:

“I exited my marked patrol cruiser and walked towards the vehicle and I noticed the driver staring at me with a blank stare as he continued revving the engine louder and louder. I thought by his actions the subject was going to attempt to hit me with his car.”

The video, however, shows it was Curtis Shannon, a young man from Florida who should have been in fear for his life during the arrest.

It also shows that he remained professional as he tried to hand the cop his license and registration through a small opening after the cop pulled him over for what he claimed was erratic driving.

Take this all with a grain of salt, and be sure to read up on more accounts of the story before making any further judgment. As this video is just one aspect of the story.


If Florida was a condom, these speed bumps would be ribbed for Satan’s pleasure

I posted this video yesterday here on Guyism, and in it we see some of the MOST ASININE speed bumps ever constructed. Watch and be infuriated…

I don’t know why this drives me so insane, the mere existence of something so stupid and frustrating…but it does. I makes me want to drive to wherever that home owner’s association meets in Florida and drop thousands of stink bombs.


Legally blind man shoots nephew when he thought he heard a burglar

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You know this ‘ol story right? LEGALLY BLIND MAN hears noise, suspects a burglar, shoots even though he’s F*CKING BLIND, turns out to be his own nephew, then tells the press he thought his nephew was out to kill him.

WPTV has the story:

Oh…so as it turns out the nephew had been recently kicked out of the house, and was found holding two knives…maybe he was there to kill a blind man after all. But can we just stop and think for a second on WHY THE F*CK A LEGALLY BLIND MAN IS ALLOWED TO OWN A GUN?!? He can’t see! Yet he’s allowed to wield a deadly weapon? One that he has no idea what he’s actually pointing it at? I’M SHAKING MY DAMN HEAD OVER HERE PEOPLE.


Millionaire uses his fortune to help town, gets H.S. graduation rate from 25% to 100%

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Last, but not least, an uplifting story of a Florida millionaire who’s using his vast fortune to make a difference in the Orlando area.

The TODAY Show has the story:

Rosen, 73, began his philanthropic efforts by paying for day care for parents in Tangelo Park, a community of about 3,000 people. When those children reached high school, he created a scholarship program in which he offered to pay free tuition to Florida state colleges for any students in the neighborhood.

In the two decades since starting the programs, Rosen has donated nearly $10 million, and the results have been remarkable. The high school graduation rate is now nearly 100 percent, and some property values have quadrupled. The crime rate has been cut in half, according to a study by the University of Central Florida.

BOOM! I loving ending each week’s WTFlorida round up on a happy and high note, and it doesn’t get much better than that.

If you enjoyed this collection of odd, quirky, weird, and WTFlorida stories and want to read more weird Florida news, you can check out previous editions of The Guyism WTFlorida HERE.


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Cass Anderson
About Cass Anderson... Cass is the social media editor and Director of Online Marketing for Guyism.com. You will find him at every Phish show that has ever existed, even ones before he was born.

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