I received an email over the weekend from an old MSU friend. It was in regards to that sex spreadsheet that went viral last week. In short, she said she was in possession of a friend’s sex diary. It is, without a doubt, the best email I’ve ever received.
(I edited out some personal info here)
So a girlfriend of mine had this awful husband. He was a nice enough guy but he didn’t pay attention to her and NEVER wanted to have sex. We knew things were bad but she was quiet about it. She’s a great girl who deserved better.
Anyway, she finally got tired of his shit and filed for divorce. This was a few years ago. On the night the divorce was final we went out and had a few drinks. There were 10 of us there. She got really drunk and gave us details about their sex life. Like really intimate stuff. Too many details to tell you the truth. She told us that after a few months of marriage, she began keeping a diary of everything that happened. Like everything. We asked her what she meant by that and she told us she would send it by email.
A few days pass and we don’t hear from her. Then like in the middle of the night, a bunch of us get this pdf file. She scanned pages from her diary. It was so beyond funny…I felt terrible for reading it. We all laughed about it for a few weeks.
That sex spreadsheet you posted made me think of it. If I send it to you, can you put it up without her name and stuff?
(The scanned pages were a mess and contained far too much personal information, including the name of the husband. I had to clean it up, put it into a spreadsheet as a result)
Magic Wand: 9 times
Sex: 2 times
Other masturbatory acts: 2 times
Fellatio: 1 time
Cunnilingus: 1 time
A few things of note here:
-The wife claimed this was an “above average” month.
-Her handwriting was beyond awful. It was as if she scribbled most of it in the dark.
-Her shorthand for Magic Wand was HMW (Hitachi Magic Wand). It took a few emails back and forth before we figured it out.
-Speaking of the magic wand, this lady has a serious addiction.
-Judging from the notes, her husband had a bad case of premature ejaculation.
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