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7 types of roommates we hate

By / 11.08.12
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Types of Roommates We Hate

Man Alive!, Flickr

If you thought your family members were tough to get along with, then you were probably surprised when you moved out and found a whole crew of roommate personalities with a variety of infuriating habits to drive you absolutely bat-shit crazy. What are some of the worst roommates you've ever had?

Photo credit: Man Alive!, Flickr

Messy Apartment

Debs, Flickr

Your lack of dish washing has birthed some type of hazardous biological entity in the sink. Your lack of cleanliness has made the mildew on the shower door bloom into a living mural. Seriously, you need to actually clean something because our apartment is slowly becoming a Petri dish for some type of ungodly medical experiment.

Photo credit: Debs, Flickr


Max Penn, Flickr

Stop wearing an open robe with nothing underneath. Every once in a while a testicle peeks out and temporarily blinds me. And it's the same thing when you're doing laundry and decide to wear only one ratty pair of tightie-whities. Things poke out, man...they haunts my dreams...

Photo credit: Max Penn, Flickr

Smelly Food

goodiesfirst, Flickr

I love ethnic food, but can't you ever just cook some Hamburger Helper or something else that smells normal? I'm tired of smelling curried fish penises, durian fruit salad and mutton face stew.

Photo credit: goodiesfirst, Flickr


vignetfishnet, Flickr

If your girlfriend doesn't pay rent, then she doesn't have the right to be here running up our utility bill and screaming like a banshee when you bang her. Two things need to happen--

1) Ask her to pay admission every time she comes over.

2) Put a muzzle on her anytime you are both feeling amorous.

Photo credit: vignetfishnet, Flickr


Number Six (bill lapp), Flickr

I see you got the new Call of Duty...and upped the data package on your phone...and bought some Cuban cigars. That's great, but where's the rent money? No seriously, this is the second month in a row that your priorities have been ass backwards, so let's make a deal: get me everything you owe by the next cycle or I'll end your life in your sleep and steal your life insurance. That seems fair.

Photo credit: Number Six (bill lapp), Flickr

Living Room

Adele 2010, Flickr

For the love of God, the living room is the central hub to everything in the apartment and you're always there spreading out on the couch, eating messy meals, talking on the phone, watching TV and playing on your laptop all at the same time. It's ludicrous and so are you. I beg you, for just one evening, get the eff out of my sight.

Photo credit: Adele 2010, Flickr

Alarm Clock

brucebeh, Flickr

One. You need one alarm to wake up. No more, no less. If I hear your alarm go off more than once at any point in the future I'm not going to kill you or anything you love, I will just make it my mission to silently slip into your room at night and turn off all your alarms so you're late to work every day. Devious.

Photo credit: brucebeh, Flickr

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Jason Epstein
About Jason Epstein... Jason Epstein is a nationally published freelance writer living in the greater NYC area. He's known for his close friends/good conversations/playing bass/wind in the face/rocking out/reading up/holding it down/good times/turning on dimes/and sometimes trying to rhyme(s). He can be reached at his website and you can follow him on Twitter here.
TAGSannoying roommatesArbitrary Rankingsbad roommatesfeaturedhorrible roommateskinds of roommatesListsroommate storiestypes of roommatesworst roommates

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