The Guyism Speed Round for April 5
If these two idiots get 'Community' cancelled I'm gonna be pissed

The top 10 George Carlin bits on YouTube

By / 04.05.12

George Carlin is arguably one of the best comedians of all time. I’ll concede that Richard Pryor and Bill Hicks stand above, but there’s is no one to whom I actually listen to more than good old George.



If you follow me on twitter, you’d see in my bio that I love comedy. And the more I watch stand-up, the more I realize how much Carlin has influenced many of the comedians we know and love today. He recorded 19 albums (remember when comedians used to do that? Adam Sandler, what happened to you?), 15 HBO specials, and was a regular guest on The Johnny Carson Show. He even recorded 5 audio books, which has to be the easiest money a man can make. He was a linguistic genius and is as well known for his mastery of tempo and intonation as he is poignant commentary about the world in which we live.



Here are the top ten George Carlin bits that you can find on YouTube. They aren’t necessarily the most viewed, but they are the most intelligent, relatable, unknowingly referenced, or hilarious. Some are fairly long, so I’ve included some ideal time spans for you. I highly recommend bookmarking this and coming back to watch them in their entirety.

10 Losing Things

Playin’ with Your Head – 1986 (0:00-1:30)



Editor’s note: I’m incredibly irresponsible, so I still find myself in double jeopardy frequently.
9 Flame Thrower

Carlin on Campus – 1984



Editor’s note: Easily the most impractically awesome weapon in the old arsenal.
8 Save the Planet

Jammin’ in New York – 1992 (1:28-4:02)


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Editor’s note: Since I’ve moved to Chicago, I’m bombarded by Greenpeace people. I tell everyone one that if they want to save the planet they should eradicate the human race. Easiest way out of the conversation.
7 Fussy Eater

Carlin at Carnegie – 1982 (0:00-1:36)



Editor’s note: If someone ever asks something like, “Why don’t you like pickles,” just respond, “pickles killed my family.” They’ll quickly realize how dumb that question is.
6 Carlin on Time

George Carlin: Again! – 1977 (0:00-1:20)



Editor’s note: Consider this – if all particles stopped moving, would time exist?
5 We Like War

Why am I in New Jersey? – 1988



Editor’s note: I’m officially declaring the war on sobriety.
4 Have a Nice Day

Carlin at Carnegie – 1982



Editor’s note: I’m pretty sure Dane Cook or someone else did a bit about a store greeter aggressively following him to say have a nice day. I can’t find it, so maybe it was someone else, or maybe it was taken down for blatantly joke jacking.
3 Baseball and Football

Carlin on Campus – 1984



Editor’s note: There is not much that’s more fun than arguing with baseball lovers. They get more defensive over their sport than is rationally acceptable.
2 Place for my Stuff

Comic Relief – 1986



Editor’s note: This is absolutely true, and you know it. It’s as simple as that. Next time you move, look at how much stuff you have.
1a Religion

You Are All Diseased – 1999 (0:00-1:50)



Editor’s note: I’m not religious, but people are welcome to believe whatever they want. Just know that anyone that says the Catholic church, as it stands now, isn’t a scam is delusional.
1b Bonus material
Now before you chop my head off for not including the most famous piece of Carlin work, and possibly the most famous comedy bit of all time, let me just say that I don’t want to get fired. While Guyism runs fairly fast and loose, posting a video that is predicated entirely on words you can’t say doesn’t fly. Ironic, right? We aren’t trying to get the site blocked in every office and school in America though, so you’ll just have to take it to YouTube. Most people know about this bit but have never actually seen it, so now’s your chance. It’s the final 24 minutes of George Carlin at USC, and here’s the link.



Did I leave out your favorite? I doubt it, so feel free to let me know how much you all agree with.



Just for fun, here’s another of my favorites. I’m a sucker for a remix, so it was impossible for me to not include this.




TAGSbest comedianBest George Carlin bitsBest George Carlin videosGeorge CarlinTop Carlin jokestop ten Carlin joke
Colin Joliat
About Colin Joliat... Colin Joliat is the 2nd best person to ever come from Flint, Michigan, behind only Andre "Bad Moon" Rison. He covers the food & alcohol industries with two parts information, one part comedy, and one part WTF is wrong with this guy. When not passing off drinking as research, he can typically be found in parks trying to trick people into believing he's funny. Follow him on Facebook.

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