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16 insane but true Tinder hook-up stories

By / 07.17.14

Tinder

If you aren’t familiar with Tinder, it’s taken all of the formalities out of online dating and skips straight to hooking up.

We’re sure a few people have formed a relationship from it but the majority of Tinder users are just horny people looking for other horny people.

A Reddit thread opened up to discuss some of the craziest experiences they’ve had from Tinder.

Here are some of the most insane and absurd, but real according to them, Tinder stories we came across. WARNING — some of these Tinder tales are NSFW so be careful reading in public or letting your mom browse them. Unless she’s on Tinder.

Tinder Tales: 16 insane but true stories

The Window

Talked to this girl for a couple weeks on Tinder, really cute. After a first date I got her to come to my work late one Saturday night – at a live music venue. It was the last gig before the place was getting torn down so we were all incredibly fucked up. She got there as me and my friends were drunkenly leaving to try and find some party. Too useless to find it, retreated home with the girl.

Upon arrival, realised I had no keys or wallet and the house was locked. Fearing she was gonna give up on me, in a desperate move I picked up a skateboard at the front door and threw it through the window. I somehow climbed through relatively unscathed with broken glass everywhere and let her in – my housemates came home 10 minutes later, they weren’t impressed.

Got laid. $150 to replace the window.

Paris

My friend met a girl on Tinder while in Paris for a weekend. They kept talking a little bit after he went home to Amsterdam. She asked his address so she could send a birthday card. She fucking showed up on his birthday.

She texted him while he was at work saying she was at his front door and he thought she must be joking but he was in a meeting and unable to call her for two hours. He said it was the longest two hours of his life. When he found out she was serious he was shocked. He had to invite her along to dinner with his family and then his friends had a small party for him and she brought a cake. He let her sleep on his couch (played the “I’m a gentleman” card) and luckily he had a business trip the next day so he had an excuse to ask her to leave. She recently called him to say she was getting ready for a date and had nothing to wear. Crazy.

Titanic

Got talking to a girl on Tinder, we met up for drinks and it turned out to be the best date I’ve ever been on, we just talked all night and ended with a kiss… I walked her home and then we text each other till we both fell asleep. It was like being 16 again or something. The next time I saw her I got a blowjob whilst we watched Titanic…

Don’t Give Up

I got Tinder about a month ago and met with my first live one last week. We had actually been messaging for about a week or two, pretty different schedules to blame, but we ended up meeting up for a concert which led to drinks which led to me inviting him back to my house which led to sex.

The sex lasted fucking forever and not in a good way. He was one of those drunks who just can’t fucking come and instead of admitting defeat just keeps pounding and pounding. Gentlemen, this is not desirable. Shit hurts after not too long. There is chafing involved. In the end I was just so over it that I rolled over and went to sleep. Sorry, dude. I’m giving him another chance this weekend with hopefully less alcohol so we’ll see.
I’ll give it a 5/10. Had sex, didn’t die, willing to try one more time.

VIP

My buddy just told me his story last week. Apparently he had Tinder for a while and got nothing. His first hook up was some really cute girl (showed me pics) that was somehow in the sports industry. She got them special access to a game then they went to a party at somebody’s uber expensive apartment (rooftop garden in NYC, in the millions). He got a BJ in the bathroom. He is not the guy to brag, but it was over the top enough that he had to share the story.

The Stripper

My friend fucked this stripper with half a shaved head and facial tattoos. She told him that she had been smoking meth all morning and that she had a boyfriend. We later found out that she’s also pregnant. My friend said it was the best sex he’s ever had in his entire life.

Uh Oh

It was horrible. I installed Tinder for fun and just to fuck around with when I’m bored, ended up matching with a girl and talked to her for like 2 weeks and exchanged numbers & FB info. She was pretty, seemed really cool, and we shared a lot in common. Eventually she said we should hang out, and I said sure.

We met up at a mall and just walked around and talked for about an hour, and I left. After I left, I knew I wasn’t going to pursue her. Over text she seemed pretty cool, but in person she was just…off, idk I can’t really explain it. Anyway, within 2min of me getting back in the car, she texted me wanting to know my real opinion on her now. Kinda weird, but whatever she seems weird so I just replied saying yeah she’s cool and whatever. Big mistake.

Over the course of the next 2 hours, I received over 80 texts, about 10 calls and a couple VMs, all of her crying and saying I need to move in with her and her Dad because she’s suicidal and I needed to take care of her. I was blunt with her in saying no and this can’t go on anymore and to stop contacting me, but nothing changed. I had to delete my FB profile, block her number, etc.

I deleted the app after that.

The Fat Guy

I used Tinder, I’m a fat ugly bastard, I matched with a girl who wasn’t too shabby looking, texted for a few days until we were both off. I picked her up, she was very cute, went to dinner at a Japanese steak house and had a good time, drank some sake. She suggested we go back to my place (woo!)
We stop by her apartment to get her car and she wants to get clothes. She follows me to my house and we make out in my driveway for a few and start to move towards the house, I’m excited, gunna get laid and all yessir, been a while.

So we are on my front porch and she goes “eew, what’s that” and points to this baseball sized toad that hangs out on my porch, this is his 2nd year it there. Anyways I explain he is cool and I knock beetles off my porch light for to eat and stuff she walks over to him, looks at me, like intense eye contact and proceeded to slowly stomp on my toad.

Now at this point I was experiencing several emotions, shock, anger, rage. I shouted at her “wtf, why’d you do that” to which she replied “I wanted to make you mad so you’d Fuck me hard” I was speechless while I processed what I had just witnessed. I told her to get the Fuck of my property, she flips out, we yell back and forth, I sprayed her with the hose and she finally leaves only to show up 20 min later topless on my deck in the back yard. She had walked from down the road and pulled like 6 pickets down from my fence to get in the back yard.

Cops came, she cried her way out of trouble with them and left.

The Lake

I recently started using Tinder and happened to get pretty damn lucky with the first girl I actually met up with. We met and got ice cream and did some making out and stuff the first time, and again another time, but the third time was quite a different story.

She and I met at a bar that I usually go to on Wednesday nights (my friends work there and they have a great special called group therapy). She ended up being pretty drunk that night which is unusual for her, and we started fooling around after heading to her apartment. At some point she told me that she was pretty inexperienced and wanted a good story if we were going to hook up.

Somehow we ended up going to a lake in the middle of campus and found a secluded spot where we fucked for almost 2 hours. Inexperience apparently did little to affect her enthusiasm, and it did end up being a damn good story.

The Weather Girl

Not me but a friend of mine hooked up with the morning weather girl for the local news station thanks to Tinder.

Wow

Me: “You’re my first Tinder match! Hi!”
Her: “Really?”
Me: “Yup!”
Her: “I want to rub my pussy all over your beard”
Me: “Oh shit it’s like that!”

So after getting her number and CALLING her i find out that she’s a hair stylist. Which is perfect cuz I had three weeks to my friend’s wedding and needed a trim. Also she was super far away. But with the offer of a haircut/beard trim in addition to some adult fun i was IN. I drive out all the way to her place. We smoke her hash and eat her mushrooms, then proceed to foreplay. That’s when I find out she’s a squirter. Like a crazy squirter. Like, she was putting towels down before we started.

Anyway, I go to town using my mouth and hands and such, and do just like they do in porn. I was making her squirt everywhere. It was crazy. Over and over. This isn’t all about my skill, she explained she’s VERY easy to cum.

So my beard is covered in her juices and she licks it up from the bushy redness and provides a blowjob. It was wonderful. Then she gives me a haircut and beard trim. Then we did some more foreplay and full on sex (I definitely didn’t forget the condoms.)I never hooked up with a squirter before that, and I haven’t since. But I’m definitely never gonna forget it. I kept her cumming til there was no squirt left. We went through two rounds of towel changes.

The haircut was a bit shorter than I like, but whatever.

Briane! I’ll never forget our night together.

Golden

The first person I met on Tinder peed on me. The second one called me the next day and accused me of drugging him at the bar. This was especially weird because he left alone without even saying goodbye to me. The third met me for lunch and was actively swiping on Tinder matches during the meal.

The Drug House

Started flirting with this one girl on Tinder. Eventually got her number and she texted me on a daily basis. After two weeks of getting to know each other she asks me to be her date at a super bowl party. Sounded fun to me so I thought “why not”.

She said party was at 5 but she wanted to come over around 330 even though it was a ten minute ride there. Totally figured she wanted to hook up first so I totally prepared myself for that. She shows up, I invite her in and I ask “how long before we have to leave?” she says it already started so we have to leave now. I thought that was weird but I got in the car and drove there with blue balls the whole way. It was at a restaurant she worked at and it was an employees and dates party. When we get there it pretty much hasn’t started. Big surprise. We talk for about an hour and get to know each other but it’s painful because she’s so shy. It was open bar but she doesn’t drink so I resisted the temptation.

Eventually her coworkers come and I meet them. She told me one of them was an ex. It didn’t really bother me. They seemed like good guys. A little on the scummy side though. They all looked like shaggy from Scooby-Doo. They’re all about 22 and have a kid or two and have low income jobs.

Eventually they convince her to drink. One sip becomes a whole drink and one drink becomes three. She is really drunk but still being kinda flirty. I didn’t drink anything and played it on the safe side because I was driving. The plan was to leave halfway through and go to a house party. So I drive her and her coworkers there. What a horrible idea. We get there and it’s one of the shittiest places I’ve ever seen. There was a 75 year old man playing Madden instead of watching the super bowl. There was kids running around while people were doing various drugs and talking about selling Crack along with pregnant women drinking.

Little uncomfortable but fuck it. We all play a drinking game and then the girl goes to go to the bathroom down the hall. About 3 minutes later two of the coworkers go down the hall to the porch to smoke. About ten minutes goes by and her ex gets up to go see if the bathrooms open. He comes back and lays this on me: “John…. Uhh…. Jen is getting fucked by both those guys right now. Don’t go in the bathroom”.

I was absolutely stunned. I had no idea what to do. I sat there and just watched the super bowl. 5 minutes later she comes out literally pulling her pants up. She completely ignores me and continues playing. 5 minutes go by and she goes to smoke weed with another guy. One guy goes to check and comes back to let me know “Yeah sorry man she’s fucking him now too”. The guys at the table start saying how nice a guy I am and that it sucks that I’m her date and she’s fucked three guys. Then they start getting weird. They start whispering about me and pointing at me. Was entirely sure either was going to get my ass kicked. She comes back I tell her were leaving in 5. One guy at the table stops me and says “Wait! She’s already fucked Tim, Bill, and Mark, I figured me and Mike could get a go and you can have her the rest of the night!”

What. The. Fuck. I left immediately with her. Unfortunately her cars at my place. She kept saying the whole car ride that she hates it when this happens and this is why she doesn’t drink. Took the long way home because I knew she was drunk. She tried to prove she wasn’t by slapping herself and then saying “I’m not drunk, I see the three yellow lines in the road. I know there’s only two but that’s how I know I’m sober”. Tell her to stay for an hour knowing I could prolong it so she can sober up. She throws a hiss fit that her phones dead and her parents are looking for her. She says she has to drive home immediately. Get home. Say “K bye”. She apologies and leaves saying she’ll see me soon. Never talk to her again. She posts on Facebook for three weeks about how bad she fucked up, how her coworkers don’t take her seriously, and how she has to move because of it. “oh”.

Thanksgiving

Met up with a girl from Tinder while I was home on Thanksgiving break. Picked her up in my car then proceeded to finger and eat her out and she delightfully returned the favor. I mentioned I didn’t have any more weed so she gave me some before she left. I went home then had some leftovers, no complaints here.

Broke

I went out to get drinks with a girl. I proceeded to admit that I was completely broke and we would have to split the drinks. She not only paid for those drinks, but then paid for the food we later ate, more drinks, and gave me a quality BJ at the end of the night. Thanks, Tinder!

Frozen

I met a up with a girl so we could watch Frozen together.We actually watched Frozen together. She was disappointed and I was mesmerized, I’d never seen that shit before.

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