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The most terrifying voicemail I’ve ever received

By / 07.18.12

I make a point of not giving out my phone number. I’m not a celebrity or anything; I just know there are a ton of crazy “Call Me Maybe” singing psychos out there. Unfortunately, I was over-enjoying myself this past weekend and apparently gave it to some girl. Not “gave it to her” like that. Well, maybe like that; I don’t know. Anyways, last night I got a call from a number I didn’t recognize. Being the asshole that I am, I let it go to voicemail instead of answering it like a reasonable human being. The message that ensued was both hilarious and terrifying.

This takes the “overly attached girlfriend” thing to a whole new level. Most notably, the level at which I don’t even recall meeting this person. She seems to be really excited to spend the rest of the summer with me though, effective immediately.

I always expected to die in a freak bear fighting accident. If this is the last post you ever see from me though, you’ll know I died as I lived – like a little bitch.


TAGSdrunken textOverly Attached Girlfriendoverly attached girlfriend in real lifevoicemailvoicemail from last nightVoicemails
Colin Joliat
About Colin Joliat... Colin Joliat is the 2nd best person to ever come from Flint, Michigan, behind only Andre "Bad Moon" Rison. He covers the food & alcohol industries with two parts information, one part comedy, and one part WTF is wrong with this guy. When not passing off drinking as research, he can typically be found in parks trying to trick people into believing he's funny. Follow him on Facebook.

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