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6 sexual stipulations women put men through

By / 12.05.13
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Sexy woman image by Shutterstock

It's not easy being a man. We have needs that overwhelm us in ways that cannot be fully understood, while women are complicatedly reserved -and yet demanding- when it comes to theirs. Here are some of the stipulations women have when it comes to sex.


Woman posing image by Shutterstock

How about this - neither or both? There was no point in "show" without "tell" in grade school and there's no point in "boob" without "touch" now.

woman in dark

Woman in the dark image by Shutterstock

Dammit, now you've flipped it the other way! You really want to turn the lights off? Okay, well this is definitely better than "look but don't touch." and we understand that sometimes you're a bit shy, but male sexuality is deeply tied to let's not make this a habit.


Female hand image by Shutterstock

A handjob is just a fledgling sexual act that has not yet matured into a beautiful, full-grown blowjob - and yet, the end result is the same. If you are still getting the old swift palm to the penis instead of your oral agreement after the fifth date, then you know it's time to write a passive aggressive memo.


Nude woman image by Shutterstock

Seriously? You're A-OK with penetration, but not agreeable to a little mouth love? Is it because the only oral you truly enjoy is Oral B? Is it because you don't think we'll reciprocate? It's a mystery...


Wedding couple image by Shutterstock

Scenario #1 - You both want to "do coitus" so badly that it unconsciously accelerates your decision to get married. Whoops, that was dumb.

Scenario #2 - You get married and the sex isn't very good - and then it continues to not be good well past the time you think it should have. Whoops, you're not sexually compatible.

Scenario #3 - You find stilettos, a muzzle and a leather whip on your joint credit card statement. Whoops, she wants to enslave you.

female back

Female back image by Shutterstock

Most times, women have had a bad experience because some guy knocked down their back door with a crudely wielded power tool. But what about knocking on her back door with a romantic pleasure tool that wants her to enjoy the act as much as you do? Show her butt the respect it deserves and treat it like a classy lady.

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Jason Epstein
About Jason Epstein... Jason Epstein is a nationally published freelance writer living in the greater NYC area. He's known for his close friends/good conversations/playing bass/wind in the face/rocking out/reading up/holding it down/good times/turning on dimes/and sometimes trying to rhyme(s). He can be reached at his website and you can follow him on Twitter here.
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