Forget TMI. This story is TMI but with a whole load of WTF mixed in.
Here’s the explanation from his Reddit post:
“So this just happened and I thought you guys may enjoy this….I devoted today to cleaning around the house and because of this decided to wear comfortable shorts which did not have pockets. Throughout the course of the day I had to go in and out of the house, so I needed my keys on me. Having a lack of pockets complicated matters for me until I realized something….
On my keys I have a container of sabre pepper spray so I have the wonderful Idea to stick the thing down the backside of my shorts and let the keys just dangle outside almost like a metallic tail. The weight of the can and retention from the elastic band kept it in decently in place so I went about my business.
Eventually I decide to sit down on a rock pile outside my house and feel wetness followed by an intense burning sensation. After a few seconds I register what happened and rush inside. The little lever on it slid out of the safe position and when I sat down it engaged and a solid stream of the shit came out. It felt like Lucifer had just raped me up the ass with his fiery cock.
Grabbing a half gallon of milk from the kitchen I run to the bathroom and immediately pour it on myself to get some relief, getting it everywhere in the process. While frantically attempting to get the red liquid out of my ass crack my finger ended up inside my anus pushing the stuff further in. To make things worse my SO was just arriving home when this happened and discovered me crying, half naked in the bathroom covered in milk… That was a difficult one to explain….
TIL: Pepper spray is some nasty shit, don’t be a moron with it.”
[via Reddit]