What’s a BJ Worth, Sleeping with a Female Professor, and Desperation...
Machine Era bottle opener is epitome of form meets function

9 things shockingly more likely than you winning Mega Millions

By / 03.30.12

The Mega Millions jackpot of $540 million is getting a lot of attention after it was revealed to be the biggest lottery jackpot ever. But unfortunately, at 1-in-175-million odds, you’re not winning it. Here are 9 things more likely than you winning Mega Millions.

1. Becoming President of the United States, 150,000,000 : 1

Flickr/jurvetson


There are approximately 150 million people in the US over the age of 35 (as of the 2000 Census) and, thus, eligible to run for President. If all of them ran, you’d have 150-million-to-1 odds of winning.

2. Making the Olympic basketball team, 12,583,333 : 1

Flickr/&DC


Even if age restrictions weren’t a factor and you could have a particularly skilled toddler as point guard, there would be 151 million (US Census 2010) men competing for 12 roster spots, giving you a 1-in-12,583,333 chance of making the team. Time to work on your post game.

3. Dating a super model, 89,000 : 1

Twitter


I’m not particularly enamored with the credibility of our source on this one, but it sounds like a good enough far-fetched-but-somehow-not-too-far-fetched guesstimate.*

*Statistics heavily skewed if you’re a mediocre NY Jets quarterback

4. Lightning striking you, 2,290,000 : 1

Flickr/Bruce Guenter


At 2,290,000 to 1 odds, you could get struck by lighting several times before you’ll be buying that gold-embossed boat.

5. Having your crappy film win an Academy Award, 103 : 1

Columbia Pictures


There are around 3,000 movies released in the US each year. 29 Academy Awards are given out. Jack and Jill will win an Oscar before you cash in on that Mega Millions prize.

6. Being born a little person, 10,000 : 1

HBO


Okay, well, if you’re reading this, odds are that you’ve already made it through this challenge. But let’s say you have a kid. Even if you and your partner are average-sized, one in every 10,000 babies suffer from dwarfism and other little person-ish ailments. In the case of Peter Dinklage, he could accomplish the last two items at far better odds than you winning Mega Millions.

7. Drowning in a bathtub, 807,349 : 1

Flickr/butkaj.com


You know how hard it is to drown in a bathtub? Well, according to the National Safety Council’s statistics, 341 people die from it yearly. Meaning you have a 1-in-807,349 chance of the same fate. Rubber ducky had better go shopping for a black suit and tie.

8. Seeing an asteroid hit Earth in the next 100 years, 5,000 : 1

Flickr/Howard Dickins


Asteroids pass by Earth from time to time. But hitting you? Not too likely at around 5,000 to 1. In 2182, we can revisit things.

9. The Mets winning the World Series, 100 : 1

Flickr/Ray Colon


Only 100 to 1 for this? Really? Maybe you should play Mega Millions since we’re living in a fantasy world.


TAGSArbitrary RankingsLotteryMega MillionsNew York Mets
Chris Spags
About Chris Spags... "Internet Heartthrob" Chris Spags is a former comic and the founding editor of Guyism.com. In addition to overseeing all Guyism content and business development, he covers Humor for the site daily. He was recognized on the street once and it was awesome.

I want more like this!

Follow us on Facebook and get the latest before everyone else.

MORE STORIES FROM OUR FRIENDS:

Join The Discussion


Comments are closed.

Sign Up