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10 of the most worthless superhero powers of all-time

By / 03.11.12
worthless superhero powers

marvel


When discussing superpowers, most of us tend to talk about the best of the best. The ability to fly, superhuman strength, invisibility… these are the skills that make comic book characters powerful and effective when it comes to fighting crime. However, in the history of comic books, there have also been a number of completely worthless superhero powers to emerge. Below are ten of the worst.


Feature Image Photo Credit: dialforblog.com

10 Taking the Form of Water – Wonder Twin Zan
When push comes to shove, the ability to turn into a puddle of water isn’t all that amazing. Despite this fact, Zan uses his powers time and again to thwart the evil plans of countless supervillains. Sure, his “form of water” powers get stretched a bit to make him more powerful (he’s turned himself into an ice golem, a blizzard and a cage with ice bars), but that doesn’t diminish the fact that this skill is pretty lame.


PhotoCredit: SFgate.com

9 Changing the Color of Things – Color Kid
After getting struck by a rainbow from a different dimension, the Color Kid is bestowed with the power to change the color of any object. Beyond the ability to redecorate his home in a single bound, this skill has few practical uses. Not surprisingly, his early application to join the Legion of Super-Heroes was rejected.




PhotoCredit: turmadobolovo.com

8 Detachable Limbs – Captain Marvel
The title of Captain Marvel has belonged to a variety of different superheroes. The worst of the bunch appeared in a 1966 comic that found the robotic hero with the supremely bizarre ability to detach his body parts from his torso. From here, each arm could punch a different henchman, each leg could kick out a criminal, and, well, I guess his head could bite a fifth enemy if necessary.


PhotoCredit: newsarama.com

7 Yelling Really Loudly – The Thunderer
During the age of anti-Nazi propaganda, The Thunderer emerged as one of the worst pro-American crime fighters. As a mild-mannered radio announcer, Jerry Carstairs (Carstairs!?) grew upset with the way America was handling Nazi jerks. As such, he assembles a costume that includes a built-in microphone. With no other powers at his command, yelling is his sole ability.


PhotoCredit: internationalhero.co.uk

6 The Ability to Eat Anything – Matter Eater Lad
Matter Eater Lad has a stomach of steel. While the ability to eat iron bars might be a pretty cool party trick, it doesn’t often help out when it comes to fighting crime. His one moment in the sun came when an indestructible machine threatened to destroy the entire universe. Thankfully, Matter Eater Lad solved that problem by consuming the entire device.


PhotoCredit: Jalopnik.com

5 Body of Plastic – Plastic Man / Mister Fantastic
The ability to reach things across the room isn’t exactly a useful superpower. Sure, plasticity can help you slip under a door frame or possibly take a punch, but there’s hardly any type of destruction potential from the ability to become rubber. That is, unless you transform your body into a giant rubber band and thwack the enemy on the back of the neck.


PhotoCredit: Popmatters.com

4 Converting Sound to Light – Dazzler
Let’s face it: superhero characters created as a tie-in to a product don’t typically do all that well at the comic store. Such was the case for Dazzler, who was created as a cross-promotional character for Casablanca Records and Marvel. Essentially, Dazzler has the ability to change sound vibrations into light. This means that she might be able to temporarily blind an opponent. Or, if the criminal happens to be epileptic, then a nice strobe effect might prove a good way to induce a seizure.


PhotoCredit: tvropes.org

3 Looking Like an Old Lady – Madam Fatal
Though Richard Stanton (a.k.a. Madam Fatal) didn’t really have any superpowers, his one advantage that he used repeatedly to catch criminals was the ability to convincingly dress up as an old lady. Supposedly, this caused his enemies to underestimate him when a fight broke out.




PhotoCredit: againwiththecomics.com

2 Talking to Fish – Aquaman
In reality, the ability to call a shark to your aid is helpful in only a very few limited circumstances. Take this fish out of water, and all of a sudden Aquaman’s telepathic ability is essentially useless. To compensate for this fact, it is eventually revealed that Aquaman can communicate with any animal that has evolved from marine life (such as humans). However, one can’t help but think this evolution is something of a cop out.


PhotoCredit: Fandomania.com

1 Communicating With Squirrels – Squirrel Girl
If you had the power to command a specific animal, you’d probably hope that animal was lions or bears or something with big sharp teeth. Unfortunately, Squirrel Girl is stuck commanding an army of tiny rodents. Unlike Aquaman, this communication cannot be done telepathically. Rather, the squirrels must be within earshot of her so that she can speak squirrel-talk (or sometimes English) to them.


PhotoCredit: SuperHeroStuff.com



Originally published July 1, 2011.


TAGSAquamanArbitrary RankingsCaptain MarvelColor KidDazzlerfeaturedfunny superhero powersLamest superheroesList of superhero powersListsMadam FatalMatter Eater LadMister FantasticPlastic ManSquirrel GirlsuperheroesSuperpowersThe ThundererWonder Twin ZanWorthless superhero powers
Jeff Wysaski
About Jeff Wysaski... Jeff Wysaski is a freelance humor writer based out of Los Angeles. He has written for such esteemed online sites as Manolith, COED Magazine and Pleated Jeans. When not behind his laptop, Jeff can probably be found at a comedy show, eating a sandwich or practicing his latest ribbon dancing routine.

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