11 hilarious ways women’s magazines tell women to flirt

Flirting is a game – and games have rules. The first rule of flirting is to start subtle and build as comfort increases… but no one told that to these women’s publications. Here are some ridiculously hilarious and hilariously ridiculous tips that women’s mags have given to hapless would-be flirts. If you followed any of these, then we definitely feel for ya, ladies.

From Cosmopolitan

11.

Their take: At a café, dip your finger in your dessert, put it in your mouth, and slowly pull it out while eyeing a hot guy.

Our take: What if they ordered molten lava cake?

10.

Their take: At a bar or coffeehouse, use the tip of your tongue to lick beer or espresso foam from your lip.

Our take: It’s called the “insta-slut.”

9.

Their take: Cross your legs and slowly move your top foot in circles. His eyes will be drawn to your gorgeous gams since men are used to focusing on movement.

Our take: Men are used to focusing on movement? Are you sure you’re not mixing up men with a National Geographic special you saw on predators in the wild?

8.

Their take: Grin and hold his gaze for three seconds. Then bite the corner of your lip and look down.

Our take: Congratulations, you now look like Chris Farley.

7.

Their take: While at a bar, casually set your hand on your knee so that your palm faces up or lay the back of your hand on a table. This pose lets him know that you’re comfortable with him.

Our take: Minus the bar part, this sounds suspiciously similar to dog whispering.

6.

Their take: Rub your shoulder like you have a painful crick, then gently sigh. Not only will he find this extremely sexy, but you might even score a massage.

Our take: Exploitation…but sure, we’re down.

5.

Their take: Pull out a copy of the Kama Sutra from your bag and say, “Would you be interested in joining my book club?”

Our take: No, this can’t be real. Let me go back and check. Yep, Cosmo printed this. Amazing.

4.

Their take: Proclaim that you’re thinking about changing your name. Then say with a smile, “Do I strike you as more of a Sienna or a Bambi?”

Our take: What lies above Sienna and Bambi on the ‘I’m a vacuous whoo-er scale?

Now from Seventeen

3.

Their take: Watch Taylor Swift’s video “I’m Only Me When I’m With You” and channel her goofy, fun-loving personality. It’s exactly what guys mean when they say, “Confidence is sexy.”

Our take: Or just channel Taylor Swift’s lyrics and personality so we can wrap this relationship up real quick like and move on.

2.

Their take: Picture-text him a movie poster: And say, “4 PM show — wanna go? I’ll even share my popcorn!”

Our take: …Yes you will, because we will likely have to shell out for it.

And finally, from Marie Claire

1.

Their take: Don’t think before you speak.

Our take: You sure about that one?

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Women’s magazine image (1) by Emka74/Shutterstock
Women’s magazine image (2) by Emka74/Shutterstock