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8 chain restaurants and the type of girl you take to them

By / 06.20.14

chain-restaurant-types-of-women

Chain restaurants are a large part of the American dining experience – and often when it comes to dating as well. But not all restaurants are suited for every type of woman. Let’s take a look at some popular chains and the type of woman you take to them.

8. Cheesecake Factory

You’re here because your girl’s palate has evolved beyond the sophistication of a child’s and she’s into all types of food. She is a foodie in the truest sense, because she has no pretense about going to a good chain restaurant. And she also loves herself some cheesecake.

7. Olive Garden

olive-garden

You only go to the Olive Garden if there are no other Italian restaurants within a reasonable distance. Even then you still really don’t go. And yet, you’ve ended up there tonight because your date specifically requested it and she is specifically hot as hell. That’s it. That’s the only reason. You go there because your ridiculously hot date wanted limp breadsticks, whatever the opposite of “al dente” pasta is and sauces that were seasoned with nothing but fat.

6. Red Lobster

The kind of girl you bring here is either one that loves a great bargain or is in a landlocked state and this is the best seafood she gets anyway. Either way you’ll want to make the cheddar biscuits your best friend.

5. Longhorn Steakhouse

You bring a woman you like here, but not so much that you’ll pay for a steak at a genuine steakhouse. This is a fun, casual relationship and you know that if it’s going to go anywhere you’ll have to change up your strategy and take her over to Ruth’s Chris. In the meantime, relax, have fun and eat.

4. Golden Corral

golden-corral

This is where you bring a morbidly obese woman (please note that even fit girls can be morbidly obese at heart) who makes a bet that she can “eat you under the table” and you’re scared of what that actually means, so instead you bring her somewhere where she won’t possibly be able to act on that. You’ve reached a new low in both the abilities of your digestive system and romantic prowess.

3. TGI Fridays

They have a good bar with cheap, strong drinks, so you bring a lushy slushy chick who makes her love for drinking known to all. She proceeds to drink her dinner as you stare in awe.

2. Panera Bread

This is a chain you can bring any woman to and they’ll love it, provided it’s a lunchtime date. If it is dinner time and you take them there, they will hate it and they will hate you. That’s the deal. Go figure.

1. White Castle

white-castle

This is where you take a woman that you secretly hate. You want her meal to taste like hot griddled fat and absolutely nothing else and you want her to pay for it dearly over the next few bowel movements. Good going, you’re an official certified asshole.



Olive Garden image (1): osseous, Flickr
Olive Garden image (2): diaperm, Flickr
Golden Corral image: Paul Sableman, Flickr
White Castle image: Paul Lowry, Flickr
01.06.14


TAGSArbitrary RankingsCheesecake Factorydate at a chain restaurantDating advice for mendating tips for menfeaturedgolden corralListsLonghorn SteakhouseOlive GardenPanera BreadRed LobsterTGI FridaysWhite Castle
Jason Epstein
About Jason Epstein... Jason Epstein is a nationally published freelance writer living in the greater NYC area. He's known for his close friends/good conversations/playing bass/wind in the face/rocking out/reading up/holding it down/good times/turning on dimes/and sometimes trying to rhyme(s). He can be reached at his website and you can follow him on Twitter here.

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