Guys have been overly concerned with penis size since the dawn of civilization. While we know what “big” means among the human race, even Ron Jeremy’s famous wang is dwarfed in comparison to some animal members. While it’s obvious that big animals have big penises, you’d be surprised about the penis-to-body-size ratio on a few smaller creatures. Below are the seven animals with the biggest penis size in relation to body size.
Photo credit: Derek Keats, Flickr
7 The Blue Whale
With an average penis size between eight and ten feet, the blue whale wins the title for largest penis on earth. However, in relation to its body, the blue whale’s massive boner is actually pretty average. Although, the 1:10 penis-to-body-length ratio still bests the average human male (we sport an average ratio of 1:12).
6 Colymbosathon Ecplecticos
This little ancient creature boasts such a large penis, that it’s Greek-derived name means “amazing swimmer with a large penis.” When archaeologists uncovered fossilized remains of the creature in 2003, they were surprised by its clear virility. With a penis ratio of 1:5, this crazy little guy has some huge bragging rights. In human terms, that ratio would be an average penis size of nearly 15 inches.
5 African Elephant
Yes, it only seems fair that the giant elephant would sport one of the largest penises in nature. With an average penis size of around 6 feet, 5 inches, the African elephant’s penis is taller than the average human being. Put into ratio form, this well-endowed mammal comes in at 1:4 (or 18 human inches).
4 Greater Hooked Squid
Can you imagine carrying around a penis that is just as long as your body is tall? Well, this is something the deep-diving greater hooked squid does everyday. At a ratio of 1:1, you can bet this little cephalopod is pleasing its female population.
3 Banana Slug
Banana slugs go dick to dick with the greater hooked squid. Their 1:1 penis ratio means they’re scooting around with a pretty big bulge in their slimy bodies. Despite being considerably smaller than us humans, they sport the same penis length, on average (between six and nine inches).
2 Argentine Blue-Bill Duck
Ducks don’t really exude sexual prowess. However, there’s one duck that goes bigger than any other vertebrate animal on the planet. That’s right, the unassuming Argentine Blue-Bill Duck waddles around with a penis that is twice as long as its own body. So just how do you get around with a penis that big? Well, the fact that it is corkscrewed helps reduce actual ground dragging. Do math on this duck’s ratio, and us humans would be walking around with a 12-foot (corkscrewed) dick.
1 The Barnacle
How does it feel to be bested in penis size by a stupid old barnacle? As it turns out, this completely boring creature has an incredible penis ratio of 40:1! Apparently, it needs all this length so it can let its penis go wandering around the ocean for females to inseminate. Want to be able to brag like a barnacle? Then you’ll need a penis that is 240 feet long.
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