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25 things you shouldn’t do naked (but people did anyway)

By / 05.14.14

things people did naked arrests

Apparently Jermaine Stewart was wrong, sometimes you DO have to take your clothes off to have a good time as these 25 people would probably agree. Then again, maybe not as they all ended up in the slammer following their escapades.



Naked man image by Shutterstock

Naked Things 25 through 21

25. Destroy a McDonald’s

ronald mcdonald

<a href="http://www.shutterstock.com/pic-191772440/stock-photo-pattaya-thailand-may-mcdonals-character-at-sathorn-on-may-in-pattaya-thailand.html" target="_blank">Ronald McDonald image</a> by Shutterstock



Sandra Suarez, 41, was arrested in St Petersburg, Florida after rampaging through a McDonald’s wearing nothing but a thong after a restaurant worker turned down her offer of sexual favors (aka she wanted to give him a beej) in the parking lot. This led to her tipping over trolleys, emptying refrigerators and sucking down ice cream direct straight from the dispenser. Of course, this was all caught on video.

24. Visit your husband in jail

Maura Fussell, 26, was arrested after allegedly showing up naked at the Magistrate’s Office in Arlington, Alabama. She was reportedly drunk, completely naked and refused to get dressed or leave in a cab. Police were unable to say whether she arrived there naked or took her clothes off after arriving. Like that matters.

23. Ride a tricycle in public

Jermaine Jones, 31, was arrested in Lakewood, New Jersey and charged with being under the influence of cocaine, while riding a tricycle…naked. He was found naked under a stairwell, chewing glass and cigarette tobacco. Important note from this story? The tricycle was a children’s model, according to a police spokesperson.

22. Climb a 40 foot high pine tree

Michael Howard, 40, pleaded guilty to public lewdness after being arrested for being in a 40 foot high pine tree in Arab, Alabama. Long told police that he was cleaning the tree up to make it his home. Hard to believe, but police reportedly believed that drugs were involved. Next up, solving the murder of Nicole Brown Simpson.

21. Run through a bingo hall

Deharra Waters was arrested in Louisville, Kentucky after allegedly running through a bingo hall with his pants down while yelling, you guessed it, “Bingo!” Police also mentioned that his speech was slurred and that he has the word “YOLO” tattooed on his knuckles. Of course he does.

Naked Things 20 through 16

20. Crash a wedding

wedding crashers

<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Amd3bMqEdjs" target="_blank">YouTube</a>



Kevin Gill, 36, pulled up to St. Mary’s Catholic Church in Lincoln, Nebraska, got out of his vehicle, he waved a piece of lettuce and said he was going to feed the animals. He then got back into his car, stripped naked, and got out of his vehicle again. Best part of the story? “Members of the wedding party confirm for police that no one knows Gill and that he was not an invited guest.”

19. Steal construction equipment

Joseph Michael Hall, 19, was charged in Knoxville, Tennessee with stealing a Bobcat front loader from a nursery and drunkenly attempting to drive it home…naked. “Mr. Hall stated that he was drunk and that he was trying to hide his nudity by taking the Bobcat…It wasn’t immediately clear how the teen lost his clothes.”

18. Smash car tail lights

Sean C. Flaherty, 42, broke out the tail lights to three different cars in Iowa City, Iowa allegedly telling police that he was breaking the red tail lights because “red means danger to the republic.” Amazingly, Flaherty admitted that he’d been drinking.

17. Visit a 7-Eleven store

Daylen Holloman, 20, was accused of stripping naked in front of customers at a Daytona Beach, Florida 7-Eleven store. Police only came to the store because Holloman himself had called them. When they arrived he said he didn’t know why he had called and that he allegedly said he only knew that he was a monkey.

16. Stand in your driveway

Marc Mertz, 44, was arrested in Walpole, Massachussetts, for standing in his driveway wearing nothing but a ski cap and goggles. One witness said he “thrust his hips onto his mailbox” as she drove by. Of note: he is (or was) a teacher at a local high school.

Naked Things 15 through 11

15. Climb through a doggy door

doggy door

<a href="http://www.shutterstock.com/pic-68859556/stock-photo-a-golden-retriever-pet-walks-through-a-home-s-doggie-door.html" target="_blank">Doggy door image</a> by Shutterstock



Sara Elizabeth Soto, 25, was arrested in Weatherford, Texas after she entered a stranger’s home wearing no clothes and through a doggy door. The man and his wife that live in the house found her sitting in their bathtub…naked. She said she entered the house to use the phone. Understandable, since she had no pockets for a phone.

14. Dress up as the pope

Art student Katherine O’Connor, 19, was charged with indecent exposure after dressing up as the pope naked from the waist down, with a her pubic hair shaved in the shape of a cross, at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh. The National Catholic League called for an immediate suspension of O’Connor because, of course, the Catholic religion has never done any so vile in all their years.

13. Follow someone to a convenience mart

Heather Hayes, 24, of Lansford, Pennsylvania was found nude from the waist down at a convenience mart because she had gotten into an argument with her boyfriend after he refused to have sex with her and followed him there…without pants. In her defense she said that she thought she was going to have sex, and didn’t want to go upstairs and put on pants before following him to the store. Completely logical.

12. Sing to police officers

Osmar Hernandez, 33, of New Orleans was just walking down the street, with no pants on, when police came upon him. He then proceeded to sing and masturbate according to authorities. After finally getting him dressed police said that he they noticed that he had trouble keeping his balance and smelled of alcohol. He was able to get dressed because he had been holding his shorts in his hand the entire time.

11. Break in to a house and threaten people with a knife

Mark Fulk, 21, was arrested in Chesapeake, Virginia after entering a couple’s home wearing a very small towel. After some small crazy talk he then threatened to kill them with a knife. However, once police arrived he left acting, as one of the victims said, like he didn’t have “a care in the world.” Of course by that point he was completely naked so…

Naked Things 10 through 6

10. Hit your fiance with your car

tire

<a href="http://www.shutterstock.com/pic-190935662/stock-photo-tire-tread-on-gravel-surface.html" target="_blank">Tire image</a> by Shutterstock



An unidentified woman was arrested in Phelan, California after hitting her fiance with his car. Of course he too was naked. Allegedly the man got out of his parked car, naked, walked around to the front whereupon his fiance, also naked, decided to drive over him. The car then veered across the road, bounced off a chain-link fence and two trees before stopping. Lesson: don’t walk in front of your car naked with a naked woman still sitting in the car.

9. Carry your baby on walk down the highway

Anthony Michael Hedger, 24, was charged in Greenville County, South Carolina after he was spotted by police walking naked along a highway carrying his baby, also naked, of course. Deputies reported that when they tried to take the child, Hedger bit the baby on his shoulder leaving a bruise. The baby was released into the custody of his mother. Fully clothed we would assume.

8. Hang out on your neighbor’s bed

Konstantin Khazin, 25, was charged with breaking and entering in San Diego after a woman called police to say there was a naked stranger in her bed. Khazin, her next-door neighbor, allegedly said heard a noise inside her apartment so he went over, found the door unlocked, went inside, got naked, then sat down on her bed. He reportedly told police that he stayed in her apartment because he didn’t want her to think he stole anything. No word on why he took all of his clothes off.

7. Take a stroll on the boardwalk

Marty R. Parrish, 52, of Ormond Beach, Florida was arrested after a police officer saw him walking on the Flagler Beach Boardwalk naked…except for a hat. Luckily, the officer reported that the event was “recorded by an in-car camera.”

6. Break into a home and wake up a sleeping couple

Jason Alexander Fornwall, 19, from Novi, Michigan reportedly left a party, wandered down the road, removed his clothing, cut a screen and let himself into a home where he proceeded to wake a couple up. He was then tackled and held at gunpoint until police arrived. Shockingly, Fornwall blamed it all on a bad acid trip.

Naked Things 5 through 1

5. Hang out a Walgreens

walgreens

<a href="http://www.shutterstock.com/pic-146375258/stock-photo-boston-june-shopper-enters-walgreens-store-on-june-in-boston-walgreens-is-the-largest.html" target="_blank">Walgreens image</a> by Tupungato/Shuttertock



Anthony Johnson, 54, aka “City Pimp” was arrested in West Palm Beach, Florida after allegedly eating some Wendy’s while lying in front of Walgreen’s with his pants down and his genitals exposed. Thus the name “City Pimp.”

4. Interrupt a television interview

Nathaniel Koba, 22, was charged in Benton, Arkansas with indecent exposure after he appeared on camera during an interview with 83 year-old Eva Halpain and her partner John Manassel who were explaining to a news crew how a falling tree destroyed their house during a storm. The good news? He at least his hand over his genitals.

3. Dance in front of a stranger’s home

John David Kinder, 25, was discovered dancing around in front of a house in Fort Pierce, Florida, naked, of course, before being helped into a neighbor’s house. It was reported that the affidavit “did not state whether he performed any specific type of dance” so we’ll never know if it was the Macarena or the Cat Daddy.

2. Walk downtown covered in Crisco

Chad William Forber, 41, of Blue Grass, Iowa was arrested after being found carrying a pair of shorts as we walked naked in downtown Rock Island. He reportedly told police that he had taken off his shorts because they were too big and would not stay on and was “looking for a place to party.” Hey, he did still have the can of Crisco on him when they found him.

1. Walk around Walmart

Kevin Hughes, 36, was just walking around a Tega Cay, South Carolina Walmart wearing nothing but black shoes in the middle of the night when he was arrested after employees spotted him walking in the, wait for it, Health and Beauty section. At least he was apologetic saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It was an accident. It wasn’t something I intended to do.”

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TAGSArbitrary RankingsfeaturedListsnaked arrestsnaked crimenaked criminalsnaked peoplethings people did nakedthings you cant do naked
Douglas Charles
About Douglas Charles... Douglas Charles is the managing editor of Guyism.com. His experience includes operating an assortment sports and entertainment Web sites over the past decade, but his specialty is discovering sexy women from all over the world that he knows he will never have a chance with, let alone meet - a quality he shares with 99.99% of his readers.

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