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21 Stephen Colbert Quotes to make you feel better about yourself

By / 04.18.13

“There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good.”

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/soldiersmediacenter/3617982162/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/The U.S. Army</a>


The word of the day today is ‘satire,’ because if you’re not aware that Stephen Colbert is a master satirist then this post of Stephen Colbert quotes is going to be excruciatingly frustrating. Stephen Colbert, host of Comedy Central’s Colbert Report, is renowned for his false identity as a hardcore conservative, in fact there’s still a large portion of his viewership that aren’t able to comprehend Colbert’s mastery of satire. Thus, we have a lot of hilarious Stephen Colbert quotes that are hilarious if you’re in the know, and conversely are enflaming or foolishly empowering if you’re too slow to grasp satire. So today, when we’re taking a look at the collection of my own personal favorite Stephen Colbert quotes be sure to do so with a grain of salt, and don’t forget to laugh, because we can all use a bit more of that this week.

Popular quotes can serve both as a reminder of humility, a source of humor and a catalyst of inspiration. So if popular quotes is what you fancy then be sure to check out past editions of this post here.

"In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto on the show is, 'Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.'"

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/thefangmonster/4711424818/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/Noah Sussman</a>


“All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.”

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/boboroshi/2528536788/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/Boboroshi</a>


"Not living in fear is a great gift, because certainly these days we do it so much. And do you know what I like about comedy? You can’t laugh and be afraid at the same time—of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid."

<a href="http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3tz5q9/" target="_blank">Quickmeme</a>


“If I had a dime for everytime that I was wrong, I'd be broke.”

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/soldiersmediacenter/3617982162/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/The U.S. Army</a>


“If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.”

<a href="http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3tz3d5/" target="_blank">Quickmeme</a>


"Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt."

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/newtown_grafitti/6309119620/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/Newtown grafitti</a>


“Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying “yes” begins things. Saying “yes” is how things grow. Saying “yes” leads to knowledge. “Yes” is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say “yes'.”

<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Stephen_Colbert_at_FSU_Pow_Wow.jpg" target="_blank">Wikimedia/webrageous</a>


"Truthiness is tearing apart our country, and I don't mean the argument over who came up with the word. I don't know whether it's a new thing, but it's certainly a current thing, in that it doesn't seem to matter what facts are. It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. But that's not the case anymore. Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything."

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenniferboyer/5129969497/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/Anosmia</a>


"The interesting thing about grief, I think, is that it is its own size. It is not the size of you. It is its own size. And grief comes to you."

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/nostri-imago/5129246461/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/cliff1066™</a>


"I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart."

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/paul_lowry/2266388742/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/Paul Lowry</a>


"I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin."

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/nostri-imago/5129337355/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/cliff1066™</a>


"I used to make up stuff in my bio all the time, that I used to be a professional ice-skater and stuff like that. I found it so inspirational. Why not make myself cooler than I am?"

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/nostri-imago/5129189095/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/cliff1066™</a>


"If you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself."

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/soldiersmediacenter/3521607265/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/The U.S. Army</a>


"Status is always ripe for satire, status is always good for comedy."

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/azrainman/3542845394/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/AZRainman</a>


“It is a well known fact that reality has liberal bias.”

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/31407310@N05/4996344452/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/monkey_bob99x</a>


“Equations are the devil's sentences.”

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/urban_data/96431780/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/urban_data</a>


“Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult:If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.”

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pagedooley/3036964196/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/kevin dooley</a>


"I would say laughter is the best medicine. But it’s more than that. It’s an entire regime of antibiotics and steroids. Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche, and then applies an antibiotic cream... Obviously, it’s a challenge to make light of the darkness but, um, it’s better than crying about it."

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/soldiersmediacenter/3521607265/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/The U.S. Army</a>


"While skin and race are often synonymous, skin cleansing is good, race cleansing is bad."

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/azrainman/3542845394/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/AZRainman</a>


“I’m the frosting on America’s cake, and tonight I’m willing to let you lick the bowl.”

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/sashawolff/4526576453/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/SashaW</a>







If you enjoyed this and want more POPULAR QUOTES posts then head on over HERE, and be sure to GO LIKE US ON FACEBOOK for an endless stream of hilarity!


TAGSbest Colbert Report quotesColbert Report Quotesfunniest Stephen Colbert quoteshumor listiclepopular quotesStephen Colbert quotes
Cass Anderson
About Cass Anderson... Cass is the social media editor and Director of Online Marketing for Guyism.com. You will find him at every Phish show that has ever existed, even ones before he was born.

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