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21 of the greatest Eric Cartman quotes of all time

By / 06.13.13
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"Hippies.Theyre everywhere. They wanna save the earth, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86KzMYbHZ0I" target="_blank">YouTube</a>


Eric Cartman quotes are perhaps some of the most memorable, and hilarious from any TV character in the past 20 years, and therefore they deserve to be put into one place for your ever-lasting enjoyment. Cartman is perhaps the most irreverent character on television, from human rights, and racism, to profanity and blatant disregard for others, he’s undoubtedly shocked us all at one point or another, so today in my weekly effort to round up the most memorable quotes on the Internet, today we take a look at Eric Cartman quotes.

Popular quotes can serve both as a reminder of humility, a source of humor and a catalyst of inspiration. So if popular quotes is what you fancy then be sure to check out past editions of this post here.

"Dude, I'll make you eat your parents."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0GqUarJQ7aU" target="_blank">YouTube</a>


"Respect My Authority!"

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gx4jn77VKlQ" target="_blank">YouTube</a>


"If some girl tried to kick my ass, Id be like, Hey. Why dont you stop dressing me like a mailman uh, and making me dance for you...while you go and smoke crack in your bedroom and have sex with some guy I dont even know. On my dads bed."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyltK6pmJGg" target="_blank">YouTube</a>


"Well, Ive been lickin this carpet for 3 whole hours and I dont feel like a lesbian."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apHqYRoH5KQ" target="_blank">YouTube</a>


"Ive learned something, too: selling out is sweet because when you sell out, you get to make a lot of money, and when you have money, you dont have to hang out with a bunch of poor asses like you guys. Screw you guys, Im going home."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrhJT98IoaQ" target="_blank">YouTube</a>


"Handle it? For two billion dollars I could handle my Grandpas balls dude."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MxlY27d0v4g" target="_blank">YouTube</a>


"You so much as TOUCH kittys ass, and Ill put a firecracker in your nutsack and blow your balls all over your pants."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSh1fI5qGLk" target="_blank">YouTube</a>


"Why is it that everything today has to do with things either going in or coming out of my ass?"

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mv3ZXUeliEo" target="_blank">YouTube</a>


"Its a mans obligation to stick his boneration in a womens separation; this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-iDvgcfZgg" target="_blank">YouTube</a>


"Dolphins, eskimos, who cares? It's all a bunch of tree hugging hippie crap."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGepBtBCuTY" target="_blank">YouTube</a>


"I'm not fat, I'm festively plump."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1p0ptkrc844" target="_blank">YouTube</a>


"I'm not just sure, I'm HIV positive."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbKPatqmTjE" target="_blank">YouTube</a>


"Real guitars are for old people."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAZJIXdwN9o" target="_blank">YouTube</a>


"Special olympics? What's so special about it?"

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLrUN7zMyWQ" target="_blank">YouTube</a>


"I'm not fat, I just got a sweet hockey body."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71w10eIXyho" target="_blank">YouTube</a>


"Don't you know the first law of physics? Anything that's fun costs at least eight dollars."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3703CUKqC04" target="_blank">YouTube</a>


"I'm not fat! I just haven't grown into my body yet, skinny bitch!"

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTBUqstjfgM" target="_blank">YouTube</a>


"Revenge is so very, very sweet."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CccCPetz_KU" target="_blank">YouTube</a>


"Hippies can't stand death metal."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUPoi16rTqU" target="_blank">YouTube</a>


"It's like when you hear the first part of that song, Come Sail Away, by Styx. If I hear the first part of that song, I have to finish it."

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/preferireidino/185540599/sizes/z/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/preferireidino</a>



Enjoy that song stuck in your head for the rest of your life.

If you enjoyed this and want more amazing content then be sure to GO LIKE US ON FACEBOOK for an endless stream of hilarity. And make sure to check out the rest of the South Park content on Guyism.com

TAGScartman jokescartman quotescomedy central quoteseric cartman quotesfat quotespopular quotessouth park jokesSouth Park quotes
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