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21 of the most memorable Deep Thoughts With Jack Handey quotes

By / 08.22.13

"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/tinfoilraccoon/7768909310/sizes/z/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/Rochelle</a>


“Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey” was a staple of comedy for many of us years ago, so in our ongoing quest to pay homage to the popular quotes of our favorite men, today we take a look back at a few of the greatest Jack Handey quotes. As an SNL veteran writer and comedic genius, Jack Handey is probably best remembered for his “Deep Thoughts” body of work (which can be purchased in book form here). He was one of the first comedic writers in my lifetime who managed to transcend the written word to something bigger, more tangible, and for that “Deep Thoughts with Jack Handey” quotes will forever be fondly burned into my memory.



Popular quotes can serve both as a reminder of humility, a source of humor and a catalyst of inspiration. So if popular quotes is what you fancy then be sure to check out past editions of this post here.

"If you were a pirate, you know what would be the one thing that would really make you mad? Treasure chests with no handles. How the hell are you supposed to carry it?!"

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/29233640@N07/6779836151/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/Robert Couse-Baker</a>


"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is 'Probably because of something you did.'"

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/barneymoss/9520622060/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/Mr Moss</a>


"Don't ever get your speedometer confused with your clock, like I did once, because the faster you go the later you think you are."

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/mistermoss/5374046499/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/Peat Bakke</a>


"To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other."

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/lac-bac/7509281266/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/Biblio Archives</a>


"If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you."

<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Chris_Knight_Capone,_grandson_of_Al_Capone.jpg" target="_blank">Wikimedia</a>


"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes."

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/free-stock/6974008437/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/Public Domain Photos</a>


"It's funny that pirates were always going around searching for treasure, and they never realized that the real treasure was the fond memories they were creating."

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/crobj/2197635900/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/srqpix</a>


"Remember, kids in the backseat cause accidents; accidents in the backseat cause kids."

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/table4five/3741097330/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/Table4Five</a>


"It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money."

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/amagill/3366720659/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/AMagill</a>


"Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling."

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/unlistedsightings/1216003782/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/Unlisted Sightings</a>


"Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind."

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/latteda/5123167609/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/Latteda</a>


"To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?," you can say, 'Sorry, got these sacks."'

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/8536261@N07/3577559123/in/photolist-6s8VFR-6AoAXo-6KjkJK-6NmaKM-6R3PMZ-6Tvi6t-6UkWKW-6ZCWnV-74p3sr-77wLfw-78pZqv-7p1Gxo-7wTjov-ej8Moy-93yZoY-eZLv5M-dtQhxA-91TbA2-auJKzH-87JSxy-boFjr9-9jEvVM-d1wYXG-9sY4jF-ca7thW-89Hhqg-fpr4bi-fpFjyh-fpFjDo-fpr47p-8ePezR-8hfBXW-9zzRZN-81Kvm3-9kqmU9-a3agJV-eZ2ZWz-8CkdRV-btGLp8-btGLAn-btGLMe-8V1Wh1-dMZXLf-bR5agp-8j6HAE-ck7wny-7xDFs9-7xzRWp-7xzSep-7xDFmq-7xDFVo" target="_blank">Flickr/storebukkebruse</a>


"I think there should be something in science called the "reindeer effect." I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say, 'Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect."'

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/creative_tools/5299974146/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/Creative Tools</a>


"For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: Why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness."

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/kaushiknarasimhan/4745624600/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/Kazarelth</a>


"If you get invited to your first orgy, don't just show up nude. That's a common mistake. You have to let nudity 'happen."'

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/barneymoss/368432319/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/Mr Moss</a>


"I hope, when they die, cartoon characters have to answer for their sins."

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/antonymayfield/6555119147/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/Antony Mayfield</a>


"I hope they never find out that lightning has a lot of vitamins in it, because do you hide from it or not?"

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/snowpeak/3762193048/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/snowpeak</a>


"It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared rabbit. Maybe it was like an angry rabbit, who was going to fight in another fight, away from the first fight."

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/billdamon/9551371374/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/bdamon</a>


"If you're ever stuck in some thick undergrowth, in your underwear, don't stop and think of what other words have "under" in them, because that's probably the first sign of jungle madness."

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/elsie/93650804/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/Elsie esq</a>


"Perhaps, if I am very lucky, the feeble efforts of my lifetime will someday be noticed, and maybe, in some small way, they will be acknowledged as the greatest works of genius ever created by Man."

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/averagejane/8815925649/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr/Average Jane</a>







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TAGSDeep Thoughts quotesDeep Thoughts With Jack Handeyhumor listicleJack Handey quotespopular quotesSNL quotes
Cass Anderson
About Cass Anderson... Cass is the social media editor and Director of Online Marketing for Guyism.com. You will find him at every Phish show that has ever existed, even ones before he was born.

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