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20 George Carlin quotes to make you feel better about yourself

By / 02.21.13

"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."

Wikimedia/Bonnie


George Carlin stands upon any podium of comedy legends, so in an effort to keep this weekly quotes feature more fresh I’ll be brining you the top 20 George Carlin quotes. Comedian, author, Grammy award winner, George Carlin was one of the all-time greats. Ranked 2nd by Comedy Central in the top 100 stand-up comedians of all time, only behind Richard Pryor, Carlin left an often vulgar, but indelible legacy on comedy as we know it today.

Popular quotes can serve both as a reminder of humility, a source of humor and a catalyst of inspiration. That being said, though I may inject some sincerity from time to time this post is meant to be a beacon of hilarity in your otherwise humorless day.

"There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls."

Wikimedia/Kevin Armstrong


"If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten."

Flickr/katbing


"When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat."

Flickr/defaulterror


"Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time."

Flickr/katbing


"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth."

Wikimedia/Kevin Armstrong


"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."

Flickr/Plutor


"Always do whatever's next."

Flickr/dwhartwig


"People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think."

Wikimedia/Bonnie


"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."

Flickr/dwhartwig


"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"

Flickr/katbing


"Electricity is really just organized lightning."

Flickr/snowpeak


"Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that."

Flickr/dwhartwig


"Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town."

Wikimedia/Kevin Armstrong


"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."

Flickr/dwhartwig


"'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?"

Wikimedia/Bonnie


"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck."

Wikimedia/Kevin Armstrong


"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."

Flickr/Sam Howzit


"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."

Flickr/dwhartwig


"I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it."

Wikimedia/Bonnie







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TAGSfamous comedy quotesfamous George Carlin quotesfamous stand-up quotesfunniest George Carlin quotesGeorge CarlinGeorge Carlin image quotesGeorge Carlin jokesGeorge Carlin picture quotesGeorge Carlin quotespopular George Carlin quotespopular quotestop George Carlin quotes
Cass Anderson
About Cass Anderson... Cass is the social media editor and Director of Online Marketing for Guyism.com. You will find him at every Phish show that has ever existed, even ones before he was born.

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