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Florida woman arrested has most Florida name EVER

By / 06.10.14

This is the most Florida thing to happen in the history of Florida: a woman named Crystal Meth was arrested for shooting A F*CKING MISSILE at a car.

POLK Sheriff

POLK Sheriff


You can’t even make this isht up!?! I mean, I’m trying to defend my home state with uplifting fishing stories and whatnot, but COME ON. Some chick named Crystal Meth who’d previously been arrested for weed has now been booking for shooting a damn MISSILE at an occupied car.

I remember our bottle rocket fights from childhood pretty fondly, but I can’t see how we got from there to this. In no multiverse do I want to live in a world where we shoot goddamn rockets at cars. That’s too much….Now I know that under that statute ‘missile’ can be interpreted as any number of things (rocks, bullets), but until we know all the details we must assume it was an RPG, right?

But in the mean time, let’s all take a look at her name once again. You can sleep better knowing that there’s someone out there in the Sunshine State named after the hottest street drug around: Crystal Meth.

Polk County Sheriff

Polk County Sheriff


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TAGSCrystal MethFloridaWeird FloridaWTFlorida
Cass Anderson
About Cass Anderson... Cass is the social media editor and Director of Online Marketing for Guyism.com. You will find him at every Phish show that has ever existed, even ones before he was born.

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