Girls
by Mr. T on January 21, 2014

This is not the example we should be setting for America’s youth. Imagine if girls walk by the store, realize they don’t have to work to maintain their nest and let that shit grow. I don’t want chicks getting those ideas. Bringing my weedwacker over to a girl’s house isn’t going to work for me. [Ed. Note: Women can do whatever they want with their pubic hair. On to the Index]

Nina Agdal

Sometimes a girl takes over the internet for a week. (Kate Upton took over the internet for multiple weeks, but that’s another story.) Agdal totally dominated the online media landscape this week with multiple events. Her commercial for Cristal Beer was great because she jumped around in a bikini. Then. it turned out she was cast in the upcoming Entourage movie. We’re all behind that idea. Finally, she picked her wedgie while filming said movie. I’m surprised Adrian Grenier didn’t want to help her make the adjustment. He probably didn’t want to interfere with her weekly domination.

Ireland Baldwin 

Baldwin definitely got our attention when she turned 18 and she got Sports Illustrated’s as well. And she didn’t get the attention because she’s the daughter of Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger. (Oh, now the last name sounds familiar, doesn’t it?) You can tell Baldwin’s ready to take the mantle from Kate Upton because she’s posting questionable pictures on Instagram. Those clothes can’t come off fast enough.

Lauren Tannehill

The Miami Dolphins’ quarterback is known for having a gun for an arm, but apparently he has a few other weapons at his disposal. His wife is a piece of ass, but she was dumb enough to leave her husband’s rifle in the back of a rental car. It naturally scared the shit out of the people who rented the car afterwards when they found it. (E-Z Rent-A-Car apparently doesn’t clean up their cars between rentals.) It’s a good thing Lauren’s got her looks because she obviously lacks in other areas.  Oh, to be blonde…

Kara Conrad

Staying in South Beach, Tannehill’s teammate Brian Hartline has decided to become a one-woman man. (Or, at least, he’s decided to become a one-woman man publically. Expecting an athlete to not cheat on the road is like expecting a dog not to eat his own shit.) Conrad, also an Ohio State grad, happens to be the lucky lady who gets to share Hartline’s five-year, $31-million contract with him. It proves even guys who are short and have mediocre facial hair can score big. I know I can’t earn $31 million, but maybe I should visit Ohio State next year to see what scraps I can pick up.

Sierra Love

I love the McDonald’s Dollar Menu and More because I love McDonald’s double cheeseburgers. They are like crack to me. I want to sit down at some point in my life and see how many I can finish in one sitting. But it wasn’t the menu that got my attention while I was watching a McDonald’s commercial the other day. Sierra Love popped outta nowhere to look mighty fine. If I start associating my dirty thoughts about her with McDonald’s double cheeseburgers à la George Costanza, then I’ll probably freak out a few people at the counter.