Girls
by Mr. T on March 4, 2014

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It’s hard to give up what you know, especially when it comes to women. Strange is never a bad thing, but sometimes we like what we’re used to. Whether it’s the chemistry, certain physical traits, or just the thinking that it may turn out to be a bad idea, we tend to stick with the familiar. I can promise you turning back to something we know in the Hottie Index, however, won’t get you in trouble. You won’t wake up the next morning and get pissed at yourself for what you’ve done. So enjoy these ladies guilt-free  and remember the old days.

Mila Kunis

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Kunis has come a long way since Macaulay Culkin. I still can’t get over the fact that she dated him for nine years. (ed. Note: Really?) Ashton Kutcher was probably thinking the same thing when he was staring Kunis down on the set of That 70s Show back in the day. You think he didn’t want a piece of that the whole time? He was totally just biding his time until Culkin fucked up. Well, Culkin did fuck up and now Kutcher’s locking down one of the best girls in the market with a proposal. You can bet your ass there will be Nikon cameras used at the wedding.

Kim Kardashian

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Hate it or love it, but The Game was a thing back in the early 00s. It didn’t last that long, but he had a couple top 10 tracks with 50 Cent and used that to peddle a few albums afterwards. It turns out he also had a piece of Kardashian (or so he says). A little digging and it turns out they were a thing back in 2006, which makes sense because his career went downhill right after that. Why am I not surprised?

Belle Knox aka Aurora aka Lauren

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A Duke University degree is a terrible thing to waste. But sometimes you need to help pay for the degree with some cold hard cash. That’s exactly what Belle Knox or Aurora or Lauren or whatever her actual name is doing. Duke ain’t cheap either, so she has to make some good paper. And you shouldn’t be surprised. I’m sure there’s at least one of these girls on every expensive college campus. Unfortunately, herlife will never be the same now. I hope she at last enjoys some D on the side for personal use.

Jennifer Lawrence

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Now back to the names we know. Lawrence seems to always show up and do something at the Oscars. Three years ago, she wore the red dress that we’ll remember for years. Last year, she won her first Oscar for Best Actress. This year, while being nominated for Best Supporting Actress and looking hot as usual, she did something she’s done before. No she didn’t win, but the poor girl fell again. I mean she really bit it while walking down the red carpet. It’s okay. We love her anyway. Don’t change. We’ll take that lack of coordination to look this good.

Jessica Alba

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2005 had some highlights: Disneyland hit 50 years, Condoleezza Rice became the Secretary of State, and we found a 10th planet just outside of Pluto. It also was the year that Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller gifted us Sin City, which was a pretty bad ass movie. Despite all we enjoyed, it took until now for a sequel to surface and it surrounds Alba’s character. You probably remember little Nancy Callahan. Well she’s back and so is Alba with this hot first promotional photo. We need to wait until August to see the whole thing, but I’m totally down.

Mr. T

About Mr. T...

Mr. T came out of the womb with a TV remote in one hand and a piece of paper with a bookie’s number in the other. Anointed a child prodigy after winning a March Madness pool at the age of nine, Mr. T serves as BroBible’s fantasy sports expert and resident handicapper. He's never seen a road trip he didn't like and spends way too much time researching female celebrities.