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This Week’s Hottie Index Is Big on the Boobs

By / 04.17.14

meghan-hardin

When people ask me what I look for in a woman, I tell ‘em I’m a face guy. Chances are I’ll be staring at that face for an inordinate amount of time, so I hope it’s a good one. From there I go to the waist because I don’t like rail thin, but muffin tops aren’t cool either. Third up we have the breasts. They’re fantastic because they have so many nicknames, but they’re also great because they usually elevate a girl a couple notches on the scale. It just happens that we’ve been blessed with plenty of comings and goings this week with well-endowed women, so we’re embracing it with a tit-filled Hottie Index. Enjoy these jugs and know that your girlfriend or wife can always buy herself a pair. Just remember they’re never as good as the real thing. (BTW did I mention I’m superficial? Oh, you haven’t figured that out from the guy writing the Hottie Index? Okay.)

Lake Bell

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Bell is known for a few things, but you most likely remember her from Made in America because chances are you’re not tuning into Children’s Hopsital on a weekly basisI know a survey was conducted by BlueBella that said either Jennifer Aniston or Kim Kardashian had the best pair of cans out there, but I think they’re mistaken. Her face may not be a ten, but Bell’s rack is up there with anybody. I mean just look at those things. They’re the perfect size without being too big, and they hang perfectly. If you don’t believe me, take a look at the new Esquire pictorial to see what I’m talking about.

Katy Perry

katy

If you like a pair of sweater kittens a size larger then Perry is probably your #1 stunner. We’ve never seen them as clearly as we’ve seen Bell’s, but they sure do look nice from what we’ve seen. These balloons bounce with the best of ‘em and look mighty fine when restricted by a nice tight top. Perry knows what she has to offer, which is why she’s taken to Instagram now that she’s single from John Mayer again. Keep making him jealous Katy. We don’t mind.

Brooklyn Decker

brooklyn-decker

Andy Roddick got in at the ground floor with Decker, but it’s her upper levels that continue to get her attention. Decker has attempted to go from modeling to acting, but we’re pretty sure CBS has her on the new Friends with Better Lives because of how she looks and not how she acts. Part of her total breadwinning package come with her hoobah habbas that CBS realizes they need to showcase. The show itself isn’t great, but it’s nice to catch a glimpse of Decker and remember that much more can be Googled at an internet device near you.

Meghan Hardin

meghan-hardin

I’ll be honest. I had no idea who Hardin was before this week. I rarely watch the Golf Channel, but I do check out golf on occasion, especially the Masters…on CBS… Hardin’s been on a couple seasons of Golf Channel’s Big Break to go with her pro golf career and I’m surprised how well she can play given that she has to swing her arms around those giant missiles on her chest obstructing her arms. I mean how can you get the necessary turn with those things. (Resident golf expert J.Camm was probably all over this already and good for him if that’s literally.) She posed with Arnold Parmer during Masters’ week because Arnie knows better than us that Hardin is someone we need to be paying attention to. While Annie Verret may be running with Jordan Spieth, she can’t match-up with this weeks’ necessary requirements.

Alexandra Daddario

alexandra-daddario

True Detective was one of the hits of HBO’s winter season, which means everyone remembers the nude scene that involved New York City’s own Daddario. While her eyes may look a little witchy, those chesticles can make all your fears go away. Given that both her and Bell are both originally from New York City, this prove again that it’s tough to beat the greatest city of the world. Daddario’s hind parts aren’t too bad either, as we can see from a recent Vanity Fear photo shoot. What was wrong with here eyes again?


TAGShottie indexKaty PerryLake Bellthe hottie index
Mr. T
About Mr. T... Mr. T came out of the womb with a TV remote in one hand and a piece of paper with a bookie’s number in the other. Anointed a child prodigy after winning a March Madness pool at the age of nine, Mr. T serves as BroBible’s resident handicapper. He's never seen a road trip he didn't like and spends way too much time researching female celebrities.

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