BroBible was founded on the fact that every Bro has a story, and while most of us are often too lazy to write our own, a good friend of mine, who at his request shall remain nameless, just sent my group of friends an email about his exploits this past weekend at a convention he was attending for his job. I have the good fortune of having some of the most sexually reckless friends a man could possibly hope for. They are truly a bunch of no-good bullet dodgers and I really wouldn't have it any other way. What you're in for is a special tale about the heart wanting what the heart wants... or a filthy married women lusting for a young man's genitalia. The entire email is below.
So as I told you before, a small portion of my job is being hit on by older women...well the majority of them are just plain awful...you can literally tell what the inside of their trailer looks like by their clothes. Fortunately, this broad was an exception, but by no means was she a supermodel. I'd throw her a 7 if I were to rate her. I have done much worse... much much worse. (Waffles Note: He definitely has but no where near our one friend who sport-f*cks hogs as though it were his life's calling.)I arrive to the convention on Wednesday after the longest day on record. I'm tired, pissed, and I never travel in a suit so I basically look homeless. I have to share a van with people from the convention for the 20-mile ride and they want to talk. Even though it's four women in their thirties, I'm not having it, I want a shower and I need a drink.After we arrive, I end up having drinks with them before dinner because they just happened to be at the bar. The one woman with a rock the size of Canada is a total smart ass. She is telling me I "clean up well" and that she'd "never know I was an S.O.B. (son of boss) from our original meeting." Then she tells me how she is in the same situation, except their company is about 15x the size of ours and she is one of the owners. I am impressed but still fail to give a shit. She was sexy and exotic looking but I wasn't going to waste my time getting to know her when there were so many other skirts there to sniff... Oh and she was also 38 years old and the mother of a 12-month-old girl.Dinner comes and goes, I don't see her or her crew the rest of the night. The next day was torture; I spent 8 hours in two different lectures. Naturally I spent the next 8 hours drinking heavily. They had a Luau (cheesy yes, but so is my entire industry) and some guys from Texas have me ripping shots of Cuervo... they really had to twist my arm.By the time the party is over and it's time for the "Hospitality Suite" (a suite at the hotel the company rents and supplies booze for those of us that still want to party after the Luau) I am seriously wasted. All of a sudden it is 2 a.m. and all the beer is gone. I am in the kitchen looking everywhere for beer, Jenna (the smart ass/ mother of infant) walks in and asks me to hold her huge purse as she proceeds to throw three bottles of wine into it. Then she directs me and three others back to her co-worker's room so we can pound wine... we put down a glass or two and next thing you know, it's almost 4 and I realize it is just me and Jenna's co-worker outside smoking so I decide it's a good time to get to bed.I walked out into the hallway and right across from me, Jenna was standing in the entrance to the steps with my convention name tag on. She tells me that she was wondering when the hell I was going to come after her (I actually wasn't, I mean I considered it because she was flirting with me in the room but she's f*cking married) and then she grabs me and starts making out with me in the stairwell. She tells me to come upstairs... so I do.We get outside of her door and her key doesn't work. She runs to the front desk to get a new key. Yes, I actually had time to sit there and think about what I was doing and yet I still waited outside her door. Fuck you for judging. So we go inside and I have to pee. I come out of the bathroom and she is already changed for bed. She meets me at the foot of the bed for the beginning of the end. I take her shirt off and she says to me, "I guess you don't care that I'm married" and I actually laughed and said "More importantly, you don't care." From that point, there was no more talking from me. She, however, didn't shut the f*ck up. Telling me that she is a "southern girl and just wants to please me."She gave incredible head, the sex was just sex. And period sex at that. It was a f*cking blood bath, I wouldn't be surprised if the Hilton sent her a bill for the massacre. But even the blood didn't stop me from doing it again...twice. And once more the next morning. I literally woke up to her blowing me. That has never happened to me. Like actually woke up to my dick being sucked. Her extra-marital affair went this far so I wasn't about to stop her. So we end up having sex and we jump in the shower... where she ends up blowing me again. I'd never been with a chick this rabbid. It was as if she'd never seen or sucked a dick before.Then, for some f*cking reason, I end up getting back in bed with her (it's like 10 a.m. at this point) and she actually shows me a picture of her husband holding her f*cking daughter on her phone. I was like "umm she's cute" and she proceeds to tell me that she wants to see me again. I shrug it off and run to the bathroom before I get dressed to head out. I come back to her holding my phone, saying "I just called myself from your phone so you have my number." (Thanks, now I probably have to change it.) As I go to leave, I notice a ridiculous bite mark on her neck. I don't know what got into me, but there was no way in hell I was going to tell her, so I just left.While I'm walking back to my room, I realize that I have no idea where the convention is scheduled to meet that day. So I take the shortest route to my room and when I get there, I realize that I dead-bolted the door from the inside and walked out the other door to the pool patio the night before. So now I have to walk halfway around the building to get to pool area and guess where the convention was having their marketing breakfast? Yep... the f*cking pool.I put my head down, sped to my door as the entire convention looked on. As I was packing, she texted me and told me to come back for round four. I just said "I seriously don't have time" and her response was "even after you left me with this bite mark on my neck that I have to explain to my husband?" I didn't respond.I can't wait to run into her again at one of these things and it will DEFINITELY happen. When I landed at home I went to a clinic. I just didn't feel right after all that blood was on my dick for so many hours. So the doc shoved a bamboo shoot up my pee hole and gave me some meds. Great trip.