Like the price of sex, the week's Hottie Index is good for a cheap thrill. Rihanna fans will be sad that her being yelled at for taking her top off (a minor tragedy) wasn't enough to qualify her for this week's edition. But worry not my friends, there's still plenty of skin to be shown here. You might even need to grab a couple tissues.
5. Anna Faris
Memo to all you Bros out there. At some point in your life, you'll likely become a father. (Either through desire or barebacked mistake. Just remember that it's not "plan B" if it's plan A.) If you become blessed with a girl when that time comes, make sure to do exactly what Anna Faris's parents did. Feed your daughter plenty of frozen yogurt and get her braces. Your chubby and metal-faced daughter won't have to worry about being hit on by guys and she'll be safe until you send her off to college. (Just remember how you were as a teenager. Would you want someone like you anywhere near your daughter?) Now Faris is all grown up, switched over to blond hair, and making a name for herself. She's starring in this weekend's release of "What's Your Number," which makes you think. Once a girl hits 20, is it really a big deal to add another notch to the bed post?
4. Sara Leal
It was inevitable that Ashton Kutcher was going to cheat on Demi Moore. Sure Demi was looking nice for 48, but she still was 48. It's all downhill from here. At 33 and with Kutcher's career taking off with his new starring role on "Two and a Half Men," it's not hard to understand that he allegedly strayed with Leal. Little did he know that the hot blonde was trying to make a name for herself and is now looking for $250K to tell her story — or keep it under wraps. Every celebrity should know by now that you need to follow the Michael Jordan rules and get the girl to sign a contract before even talking to her. Our #4 hottie is going to cost Kutcher a lot more money in the divorce than he ever would've worried about with paying her off to keep quiet. (AG's Note: Do we think Kutcher has more money than Demi or that they didn't sign a pre-nup? I'm not so sure.)
3. Larisa Fraser
Shana Tova to all the Jews out there celebrating their New Year. Ryan Braun, the best active Jewish baseball player, celebrated the New Year in style with a division title and a slam piece by his side. The model/actress will surely help her acting career if Braun's Brewers make a run to the World Series. Nothing helps gain you positive publicity more than making out on the field while celebrating a World Series title. That is unless you're Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore and you become the scorn of Red Sox fans everywhere by ruining a monumental moment to film the end of a movie.
2. Victoria Santos
Soccer players always seem to be at the center of scandal with women and things appear to be no different in Argentina. San Lorenzo defender Jonathan Ferrari is currently dealing with drama for having f*cked one model, Victoria Santos, while he was dating another model, Cinthia Fernandez. He's leading a rough life and I'm sure there's no sympathy for him. Shit like this happens all the time. But what we like is that Santos has continued the theme of leaked photos with a set of 20 that have hit the Internet. And boy does that Santos have some fine milk cannons. They're good enough to give her the #2 spot this week. And the way she bends over in all these pictures just shows she probably has no problem taking it in the tailpipe.
1. Brooklyn Decker
With all this Kate Upton uproar over the last eight or so months, Brooklyn Decker kind of faded into the background. She's not on TV as much anymore because her husband Andy Roddick has become a waste of space on the tennis court. Then all of a sudden she drops a video for GQ to remind us that she really might be the best-looking chick in the world. Fuck. That video is something else. It makes her the clear #1 in this week's Index.