Girls
by J. Camm on April 21, 2011

To those pollsters and to any other idiot who says “men watch so much adult entertainment,” I say this: yes we do, but it's not so much that we spend two hours a week “watching” adult entertainment for leisure, but rather, we comb it to find that perfect pulse-popping vignette. It's the combing process that's so time consuming. If the chick on that screen isn't vibing with us, we're not going to settle. This is fantasy land, not some bar at last-call. Porn is pro-choice, which is probably why men like it so much. So unless we're absolutely strapped for time, it might be a while. Once the chosen clip (or 10) is obtained, things tend to shake out in about three to seven minutes. Or 21 to 49 minutes a week. Put that in a pie-chart of our week and I'd bet most of us spend more time taking shits than we do slinging curd.

 
Quite honestly, the finger-pointing really needs to be directed elsewhere. If you want the amount of time we watch adult entertainment to be cut in half, then these adult entertainment sites should instinctively know what we want to see every time we come on. I can tell you one thing, it's certainly not all the pop-up ads or the live-camera feeds. The last thing I need to do is watch some chick paint her toenails and type er*tic things to me. Eliminate those two annoyances and you've just freed up 30 minutes of our week.
 
Upon reading this ridiculous poll today it made me realize that this obsession with guys and Internet adult entertainment really needs to stop. We've gone through this before and the verdict is yes, adult entertainment can ruin your life and your relationships, but only if you are a weak-willed p*ssy with horrible time management skills… who also happens to be addicted to touching himself. And I don't know what to tell those guys. Maybe cut your shits a little shorter? Beats the f*ck out of me what the solution is, I'm normal.