Girls
by Brandon Wenerd on November 6, 2012

One sip during the following:

  • “The American People”
  • “Exit polls”
  • “Provisional ballots”
  • “Electronic voting”
  • “Red State”
  • “Blue State”
  • When someone mentions doing the math on the Electoral College for Obama/Romney to win.
  • John King plays with his video board.
  • Anyone cites a Tweet or Twitter.
  • When Governor Chris Christie's boy crush on President Obama is mentioned.
  • When anyone says “hotly contested” in reference to a state, county, gubernatorial, or senate race. 

One gulp during the following:

  • “Ohio Secretary of State”
  • “Voting machine issues”
  • “Florida Governor Rick Scott”
  • The obligatory aerial news shot of voters waiting in a long, snaking line that's “around the block.”
  • During the obligatory county-by-county district breakdowns of Florida, Ohio, Virginia, Iowa, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania.
  • Jay-Z, Bruce Springsteen, any other celebrity endorsement of Obama is mentioned.
  • Chris Matthews screams about Romney.
  • Keith Olberman acts like a jackass.
  • Someone on Fox News talks over Juan Williams.

Two swigs of your drink:

  • ​When a pundit questions the veracity of exit polling.
  • If you voted for Obama, when Texas is called.
  • If you voted for Romney, when New York is called.
  • Trump is mentioned by anyone, giving legitimacy to a troll.
  • When it's announced who has gained the Senate majority.
  • Glenn Beck comes close to crying.

Finish your drink

  • When someone mentions Hillary Clinton running for President in 2016.
  • When someone mentions Paul Ryan running for President in 2016.
  • When Fox News tries to take itself seriously by bringing Sarah Palin.
  • When a pundit questions the relevance of the Electoral College in 2012.
  • Anyone around you says ”I'm moving to Canada!” not entirely in jest when the other guy wins.
  • If you voted for Obama and he wins.

Finish your Caffeine Free Pepsi

  • If you voted for Romney and he wins.

Smoke Up:

  • If you voted for Obama and he wins and he mentions “legalizing it” in his victory speech.

Take a shot:

  • When someone on the losing side mentions possible voter fraud or suggests a recount in a hotly contested state.
  • A network prematurely calls the election.
  • James Carville pulls his left ear on CNN, thus signaling Obama has won the election.
  • James Carville pulls his right ear on CNN, thus signaling Romney has won the election.
  • If someone mentions Herman Cain running again in 2016.
  • If someone in your party is shitfaced, sees Herman Cain, asks where the closest Godfather's Pizza is.
  • If Meatloaf's endorsement of Mitt Romney is mentioned.

Wine enema butt chug if*:

  • If the election ends in a tie.
  • Chris Christie is seen eating ballots for Romney.
  • Romney wins and joins Kid Rock for a celebatory performance of “Bawitdba.”
  • Obama wins and raps “99 Problems” with Jay-Z.

*Disclaimer: Obviously DO NOT wine enema butt chug, you idiot.