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Nothing But Smokey Smokes in this Week’s Hottie Index

By / 05.24.13

Nina Agdal
We love Kate Upton very much, so we were just as disappointed as high-schooler Jake Davidson when Upton backed out of going to the prom with him. We would’ve been mad at her for longer but luckily for Jake, Agdal stepped up. There are probably girls at Jake’s high school who are upset that Jake chose a supermodel over them and those girls are all idiots. Of course Jake would rather go with a supermodel. These pictures will last a lifetime. These jealous girls with low self-esteem will feel like shit and be drunk as hell at the after party. Who will they be focusing their attention on for approval? Jake, that’s who. Nice job bro and good work by Agdal too for stepping up in Kate’s absence.

Jennifer Lawrence
The X-Men reboot made us forget how miserable the last two editions of the original X-Men trilogy were. Most of the reasoning behind the approval was the storyline and action, but it certainly didn’t hurt when Lawrence took over the role of a young shape-shifting Mystique from Rebecca Romijn, a legendary hottie. The beauty of Mystique’s outfit for the movie role is that it’s full on body paint and a photo of Lawrence in the body paint just happened to surface on the Internet this week. It definitely leaves very little to the imagination.

Eva Longoria
Longoria will forever be linked to Tony Parker by those of us sports fans, but her live post Parker continues to attract attention. While at the Cannes Film Festival this week, Longoria had a slight malfunction with her dress that caused it to curl up. It was unfortunate for her, but very fortunate to us as we caught a nice look at her axe gash. You’d expect her to be cleanly shaven or lasered, but there’s something else we notice upon closer inspection. Was she on the rag that day? I’ll let you decide.

Jennifer Aniston (photo above)
While Aniston’s former competition, Angelina Jolie, is having her boobs removed for her own goodwill, Aniston is providing goodwill for the male community by stripping down in her new flick called “We’re The Millers.” The comedy flick with Jason Sudeikis actually looks rather funny, along the same lines as the last comedy the two did together, Horrible Bosses. If Aniston sticks to baring skin and raunchy comedies, she might actually make it someday.

Miranda Kerr
Just over a month after Kerr was booted from Victoria Secret modeling, she’s back in the limelight. There’s not just one modeling company out there and that works out well for both Kerr and all of us gentlemen. (I use the term gentlemen loosely.) Orlando Bloom’s wife ended up baring her chest not once, but twice this week. First it was in for some make-up that I’ll never buy and secondly was in Vogue Italy. Victoria Secret really thinks she lost a step? I think not.


TAGShot girls
Mr. T
About Mr. T... Mr. T came out of the womb with a TV remote in one hand and a piece of paper with a bookie’s number in the other. Anointed a child prodigy after winning a March Madness pool at the age of nine, Mr. T serves as BroBible’s resident handicapper. He's never seen a road trip he didn't like and spends way too much time researching female celebrities.

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