Money is a powerful thing. It buys you a set of fake b**bs, expensive bras, and helps attract adult entertainment stars to want to sleep with you. That’s something that us regular Bros can’t exactly relate to, but at least a boy can dream. Here are five girls that will help those dreams be rosy tonight.
5. Amanda Seyfried
Allentown, PA, is a pretty miserable place. There ain’t much there except for Lehigh University and Celtic Fest every September in nearby Bethlehem. Searching for something bigger, Amanda Seyfried somehow escaped Allentown through soap opera stardom and now appears in major motion pictures. This Friday she’ll hit your local theater, as “In Time,” co-starring Justin Timberlake, debuts. The movie isn’t supposed to be that bad, but we're mostly celebrate Seyfried because she has no problem baring skin to advance her career. While we won’t see it in this film, it’s a concept we thoroughly support and can enjoy in this version of her greatest hits.
4. Denise Richards
Someone needs to give Denise Richards a reality check. She only became relevant because she showcased her huge rack in “Starship Troopers” and “Wild Things.” Her acting ability never allowed her career to take off after that, is now yapping about how she regrets getting those b**bs augmented in the first place. Hello… McFly… You’d never be in a position to give such an interview if you didn’t have 'em, so just accept the fact that your funbags are a good time and let’s move on.
3. Bibi Jones
There are plenty of adult entertainment stars out there and I don’t claim to be an expert on the market. (I leave that to J. Camm.) So I didn’t know who Bibi Jones was when she showed up on the Internet with Patriots TE Rob Gronkowski, but now every football fan does. This isn’t the first athlete she’s been involved with, as rumors have surfaced about hockey and baseball players as well. Seems like we have quite the jersey chaser here. She’s not apologetic for that behavior, but a closer look reveals that she should apologize for the hearty meat flaps she’s carrying around. Unless you’re into that kinda roast beef…
2. Madalina Diana Ghenea
Leo DiCaprio has come a long way since “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape.” The laundry list of women includes Kristen Zang, Emma Miller, Gisele, Bar Refaeli, and Blake Lively. Like most men, DiCaprio gets a little bored and needs to move on to the next one. That’s where we find Ms. Madalina. All you need to know is that she’s a Romanian Model and Leo’s decided to put up with her for the near future in between blowing loads inside of her.
1. Miranda Kerr
Women have expensive taste, which is exactly why you don’t want your wives, girlfriends, or slam pieces to catch any part of the new Victoria's Secret bra Miranda Kerr modeled this week. The damn thing is worth $2.5 million and even though you wouldn’t be expected to spend that much on your women, seeing something like that would make them expect something. Here, we’re all less focused on the actual bra, and a little more focused on the set of vuvuzelas contained therein.