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Katy Perry, Lindsay Lohan and (Not!) McKayla Maroney Headline This Week’s Hottie Index

By / 08.06.14

jordan-carver

We’re back with the Hottie Index after a short hiatus. Apologies if you missed us, but sometimes having fun in the summer gets a little too hectic. Just ask McKayla Maroney, who I refuse to include in the Index because she’s seen way too many times lately. Despite the fact that she’s really trying to be included, her personal PR train is getting a little annoying. Sometimes you just need something fresh, right? Here’s what’s fresh for this week:

Lindsay Lohan

lindsay-kini

If you lined up the BroBible Staff to have a night with Lohan, our David Covucci might fight his way to the front. He, with many others, has re-dedicated themselves to Lohan after a week of bikinis and sex talk. It started with side boob and a tattoo, continued with a rock solid body in a bikini, and then again some of the same. It all came to a head though when news broke that she was looking for the money grab of releasing a book about her celebrity sexploits. And of course every girl would want that book written by Harry Potter’s own, J.K. Rowling. (WTF?!?) Were some of these celebrities into weird mystical role-playing fantasies?

Alyssa Acres

alyssa-acres

It seems as if Justin Bieber hasn’t had a taste of Lohan yet, but he’s been tasting many a celebrity in recent months. After brawling with Orlando Bloom last week, Bieber moved on with some Instagram trolling and many a lady. A couple of the chicks couldn’t be confirmed, but it looks like Acres tried some Biebs. I’m not sure what the appeal is with the sketchy mustache Bieber has been rocking, but the appeal in Acres is quite evident. Playboy doesn’t just hire the cute ones. They like best of the best.

Katy Perry

katy-perry

I come back for Perry every so often because she’s a bit of a tease and doesn’t always give us everything we want. She fucks with our mind in more ways than one, showing us less skin and dressing in a bathing suit resembling a slice of pizza. Yes, that’s right…pizza. I’m sure Perry’s got some parts we’d love to eat up, but throwing herself in a pizza bathing suit gets our brains all kinds of messed up.

Zoe Saldana

zoe-saldana

It had been a while since we’d seen Saldana in anything, but now she’s back in the biggest grossing movie of last weekend. Guardians of the Galaxy is all the rage and Saldana doesn’t hurt her cause even if she’s in green body paint. She also looks good without the green paint, as we saw in Women’s Health UK. You gotta love the UK. No Women’s Health US issue would show women  that naked. Bless the British for being crude and open.

Jordan Carver

jordan-carver

What’s it going to take you to work out for the last month of the summer? You don’t wanna lose it now since you’ve being beach-ready up until this point. Would a German glamour model with 32H cans help? I’m not sure myself. I mean, sure it’s great that her pushups don’t go as far to the ground as mine because her chest hits the ground so much sooner. But watching this workout video might be a little distracting, no? At least I know that happened to me. This Hottie Index was almost finished posting 30 minutes ago, but I…um…got side-tracked…


TAGShottiesthe hottie index
Mr. T
About Mr. T... Mr. T came out of the womb with a TV remote in one hand and a piece of paper with a bookie’s number in the other. Anointed a child prodigy after winning a March Madness pool at the age of nine, Mr. T serves as BroBible’s resident handicapper. He's never seen a road trip he didn't like and spends way too much time researching female celebrities.

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