Girls
by Stevie Chay Vaughan on February 15, 2012

We learned that her uncle is Florida congressman Rep. Fred Upton. We learned she loves comfort food and snacks like french fries and ice cream. We learned Upton gained so much weight last summer, her friends staged an intervention to ensure she landed the SI Swimsuit cover. We learned Mark Sanchez cooks her dinner at his home. We learned she “doesn't know” if they're dating. We learned that America has a love-hate relationship with her. And, according to Gawker, we learned her bust size is 33DD. Details, people! We also learned there's not a snowball's chance in hell you'll see the Most Viral Girl on the Web in the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show anytime soon.

This tidbit comes from Guy Trebay's fascinating profile of Upton's meteoric rise to fame over the past year. You should read it. It hits particularly close to home for us, since we fondly remember when the very first first pictorial of Upton started circulating. We'd like to think we helped thrust her into the spotlight back when she was unknown and no one online had any idea who she was, before her Beach Bunny pics and last year's SI Swimsuit Issue. In fact, there was so little known about Upton at the time that we saw someone speculating she was Australian and just ran with it.

The piece contains quite a few quotes about Upton from fashion world Illuminati, including her agent Ivan Bart praising the 19-year-old as “the Jayne Mansfield of the Internet.” But there's also this damning quote quote from Sophia Neophitou, the creative director of the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show:

“We would never use” Ms. Upton for a Victoria’s Secret show, Ms. Neophitou said by telephone last week from London. And, while Ms. Upton has, in fact, modeled on occasion for the company’s catalog, her look, said Ms. Neophitou, is “too obvious” to be featured in what has become the most widely viewed runway show in the world.

“She’s like a Page 3 girl,” Ms. Neophitou said, referring to the scantily clad voluptuous women featured in The Sun, a London tabloid. “She’s like a footballer’s wife, with the too-blond hair and that kind of face that anyone with enough money can go out and buy.”

Ouch. Burn. It's a sad comment, really, because VS could use the occasional curvy woman for those of us who are getting bored by barbie doll Candice Swanepoel clones. It is certainly a viable question as to where Kate's career goes from here (presumably to Hollywood, a la Brooklyn Decker — she's got a cameo in the upcoming “Three Stooges” flick). But Neophitou's smug shrugging off of Upton makes us wonder why Victoria's Secret cast her in a catalog lingerie spread last March? Clearly it was an attempt to cash in on her under-the-radar virility with a one-night stand. Now that Ms. Upton's broken through to the mainstream, VS is content to throw her out like a half-eaten leftover burrito. That's their loss. The rest of us are just happy to let our favorite all-American girl dance.