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Kate Upton Is Back in the Hottie Index!

By / 08.14.14

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We’ve got five great girls for you to focus on this week. Let’s do it.

Kate Upton

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The Hottie Index is over. Kate Upton will never pose naked. Why will she never pose naked? Because of the Hottie Index. You’re confused now? Let me explain. We love Kate and could put her on this list as much as any girl. Her GIFs are great and that’s not the only thing about her that’s great. But now she refuses to pose nude because she’s worried about how she’d be judged on the Internet. Where would her nude photos be judged on the Internet? The Hottie Index is where. So if you want to blame anyone, blame me. Justin Verlander is a lucky man.

Jen Selter

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Dan Blizerian has gotten a lot of press this year for being a bad ass, with crazy stories and all sorts of weird things going on when he’s not playing poker. Naturally, a poker player like him ends up in Vegas quite often and that’s where he met internet sensation, Selter. Naturally he took a picture because you would’ve done the same thing. And if you’re wondering if they had sex, the answer is … maybe.

January Jones

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Mad Men gave you a taste of its last season with a seven-episode run back in the spring and then made you wait until next spring because why not tease you a little bit? At least Jones is not a tease. The actress gave you some topless moments last fall in a small movie called Sweetwater. Unless you were really paying attention, you probably missed it. While there’s always Google, there’s also her most recent pictures from Italian Vogue. They’re not nude, but they’re pretty hot and will keep you warm over the winter until the end of Mad Men next spring.

Nina Dobrev

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You see a movie titled Let’s Be Cops coming out this Friday starring Damon Wayans Jr. (not Homey the Clown, but his son) and you figure it’s probably pretty bad. Then you see the trailer and you think this actually might be pretty good, especially if you’re drunk or high. Then you see Nina Dobrev stars in the movie also and you try to remember where you’ve seen her before. Certainly it wasn’t The Vampire Diaries because you’re reading BroBible and not Vogue. You only watched Degrassi: The Next Generation if you’re Canadian, so that’s not it either. Then you realize that you’re reading the Hottie Index because you like hot chicks. Has that buzz or high worn off yet? Go get turned out again and go see Dobrev in Let’s Be Cops because hopefully it’s half as entertaining as it looks.

Amber Rose

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Rose isn’t really my type because I like my girl’s hair to be longer than mine, but even an idiot would acknowledge she has some strong features. I don’t mean that her face has strong cheekbones or something like that. I’m talking about her… you know. Girl has plenty of it and boyfriend Wiz Khalifa knows it. That’s why he had the audacity to take a nice top down shot from her rear and post it on Instragram. Any girl who’s cool with that is either way too easy going or crazy for publicity, but an ass like that deserves to be on the Internet.


TAGShottie boom bottieshottiesthe hottie index
Mr. T
About Mr. T... Mr. T came out of the womb with a TV remote in one hand and a piece of paper with a bookie’s number in the other. Anointed a child prodigy after winning a March Madness pool at the age of nine, Mr. T serves as BroBible’s resident handicapper. He's never seen a road trip he didn't like and spends way too much time researching female celebrities.

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