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He Said/She Said: Where Do I Draw the Line When Talking Dirty in Bed?

By / 01.24.12

Q. So a couple nights ago I came home with this girl I've been seeing really casually for about two weeks. Always hooking up in my car, nothing more. Anyways, I get her in my bed and things are really heating and she asks me to talk dirty to her.

I had NO idea what to say, so I just went with what I did to this other girl that was at my place a couple nights ago. I said things like “I'll bend you over the bed, scratch your back, f*ck you senseless.” She was getting really into it and demanded more. The only problem is I had absolutely no ammo left! What the hell am I supposed to say?

Instead of panicking I just kissed her but it still left this burning question: How do I talk dirty to a girl and what do I say? And most importantly: Where do I draw the line?!

That's What She Said's Response:

Hmm, this is tough because talking dirty is really a personal preference. My best advice is just the longer you hook up with her, the more you’ll get to know what she likes. In the mean time, keep it pretty general, and pretty safe. An obvious don’t is of course anything violent. Try to pay attention to what she reacts to and go in that direction. If you’re nervous, try luring her into some good old fashioned sexting. Usually, sexting feels kinda lame or forced, but this way you might be able to tell what she’s into without being under the gun in the heat of the moment. With a little time to think about your responses it’ll help you build up an arsenal of good lines that get her going.

J.Camm's Response:

You know a funny thing happened when I was looking for an image to go along with this post: I stumbled upon countless “Talk Dirty to Me” written guides and even a hypnosis CD! A FUCKING TALK DIRTY TO ME HYPNOSIS CD! Do yourself a favor and pick that up — for only $69.00 (clever pricing) you'll become the Don Juan of bedside manner. Learn how to say “I'm going to f*ck you senseless” without her laughing in your face and telling you to take your dick out of her. Which I can't believe didn't happen the moment that came out of your mouth.

Although I hate to agree with her, TWSS brings up a good point: the girl will usually dictate what is and is not acceptable. It can be any level too. From playful to extreme. I had a friend who slept with a girl that asked to be strangled, like within an-inch-of-her-life kind of choked. Don't do that. Let her satisfy that need elsewhere.

In my own experience, it can get weird. Like you, I'm not one to announce all the things I'm doing. I'll throw out the occasional variation of “how's that feel, you dirty sl*t?” but other than that I like to let my dick do the talking unless I'm drunk as shit and the girl's overly demanding of it. Then it's a matter of what do you say? And that all depends on the girl. If she's says “Tell me I'm a filthy hoe,” you tell her she's a filthy hoe. So start slow and see if her inner sl*t reveals itself.

Another thing to keep in mind is just because a girl is saying shit it doesn't mean you have to join the fun. For instance, one time I had a girl just say “f*ck my p*ssy” over and over again to me. Like 40 to 50 times. I had no response. And I didn't need to have one. I could have taken it one of two ways: her simply narrating what was happening or her telling me she wanted to get f*cked harder. Instead of asking which, I just picked up the pace and tried to crush her cervix.

My best advice to you is if you think talking dirty during sex is awkward, don't have sex sober or only f*ck chicks who scream, moan, and take the Lord's name in vain while you sit back and feel like the man.


TAGSask a babeask a brodirty talksex advice
J. Camm
About J. Camm... J. Camm is the Managing Editor of BroBible. He is a graduate of the University of Miami thanks mostly in part to a world-class short-term memory. When not writing drivel on the Internet, J.Camm enjoys golf and the inexplicable satisfaction that comes with forgetting a person's name the exact instant he meets them.

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