Instagram commenters are a special breed. They come in all ages and sizes and from all walks of life. You've got the self-righteous feminist chicks who comment, ”You're a mother now you CAN'T wear that you slut!!” on every Kim Kardashian pic. Then there are the delusional girls who tag their friends and write “OMG you look JUST like her” on a pic of a girl who is clearly 1,000 times hotter than their friend. And there's my personal favorite, the (primarily) black high school kids who write things like “dat ass doe” and “what dat mouf do” on pretty much every pic of a 4 or better. I could sit here and talk commenter stereotypes all day, or I could not be lazy and go one step further. I present to you BroBible's first ever (I can't even confirm that) Instagram Comments of the Week.
Commenting about her “gap”? Creepy. Turning into a clever punchline? Brilliant.
“Do you have a sister in Vancouver?” legit might be one of the best pickup lines I've ever heard. If the goal of a pickup line is to initiate a conversation with a girl without coming off as creepy, this is straight up Shakespeare. “Oh you don't? Welp, see ya later.”
Hmm, maybe I came on a little strong with “nice tits”? Well I can't delete it now. Let's just get a little more normal with the next few.
Poetry. Although if I do one of these again, I may just have to go to @iamrude's page and just screenshot all his comments. Great handle.
Some people are inspired to better themselves when they have a kid or when they want to support a loved one. Graybird23 makes life transformations based off Ashley Sky straddling a telescope.
I could probably do a separate piece called “Unintentional Comedy From Foreigners” and have just as much material. I picture him saying this in the Liam Neeson in Taken voice and it's impossible not to laugh.
Ahh the tandem comment, jay_one04 with the alley and ljimenez1206 with the oop. They'll both definitely get to have sex with all three of these girls now.
Jakedennehy comin' in hot with the Anatomy 101 lesson. I wonder if this is the same kid from Kindergarten Cop who says boys have a penis and girls have a vagina.
Actually this is a really interesting dilemma here. Assuming you aren't crazy devoted to your current religion, would you convert to Judaism to have sex with Bar Refaeli one time? You'd have to go to temple and fast on holidays and shit—you couldn't just say you're Jewish either. I haven't been to church since Easter of 2006 so I'm not exactly the best Christian, but I honestly don't think the 37 seconds I'd last in Bar would be worth a whole life of being a Jew.
I didn't think I could top the “I get tired of looking at naked hot girls” comment on the gayness scale but I think I just did.
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