In order to make the BroBible Top 5 Hottie Index, the celebrity, model, athlete, or other notable hottie in question needs to be relevant at this moment and tearing up the headlines. Just because you're hot isn't enough. You need to be in the news.
5. Nicole Johnson
I might be late to the party on this one, but Michael Phelps's girlfriend is a real smokeshow. The couple was found kissing in Hawaii at some point this week, but all hearing about that did was lead me to figure out who this Nicole Johnson really is. Miss California has some serious sex appeal; I love how there's plenty of knowledge on the Internet that she was Miss Westlake Village in 2007. Like we really give a shit about that title. I'm just trying to figure out if someone sexier has ever devoured an In-N-Out burger...
4. Mayra Leal
I tend to use this space to get the word out on somewhat off-the-radar actresses who are appearing in a given Friday's new movie. Today is no different as we introduce you to Mayra Leal, who is appearing in "Machete." It also helps that Mayra is nekked in the movie and the footage is already leaked on the internet. Everyone wins there.
3. Audrina Patridge
Audrina is looking for some relevance now that "The Hills" has come to an end. She doesn't carry enough personality to star in her own show so she hopped on this season's "Dancing with the Stars." She takes the title as hottest celebrity (if she can be called one) in this upcoming season's cast, which means we'll be inundated with website fodder of her in numerous outfits. She easily wins over Bristol Palin, who I'm still trying to figure out if she's remotely attractive (that midsection area is really a killer).
2. Demi Moore
It was an up-and-down week for our old friend Demi Moore. News broke early in the week that her younger beau Ashton Kutcher was (allegedly) creeping on the side. (I guess that was bound to happen given the huge age disparity between the two. What's he gonna do in 15 years when she's 60-plus?) He was bound to stray eventually given all the p*ssy Kutcher seems to attract in those NIkon camera commercials. Moore rebounded by showing up on Twitter in bikini photos, showing off possibly the best cougar body on the market. She better keep that up if she's gonna retain Kutcher. It's the only thing going for her right now unless she has magical va-jay-jay powers that none of us know about.
1. Tiffani Thiessen
Despite our decision at BroBible to disavow any interest in yesterday's 9-02-10 day, I've been overwhelmed with 90210 material in the last 24 hours. Fortunately for me that meant excessive discussion of Tiffany Thiessen (who somehow has dropped the Amber) given her role on the show's later years. Thiessen's character shows she came a long way as an actor from her days as the wonderful, yet severely lacking in the top shelf Kelly Kapowski. She went from the somehow prude high school cheerleader to the sultry, whorish girl of trouble (a roll apparently turned down by Alyssa Milano, Alicia Silverstone, and Drew Barrymore). The question still remains whether or not she got implants somewhere along the way, but she was one of my top-five celebrities growing up and her nekked photos will always have a place on my hard drive.