Gear
by Andy Moore on April 12, 2013

HTC First with Facebook Home, $99.99 with 2-year contract, or $449.99

The ultimate android phone for a 24/7 Facebook junkie. The specs are in the middle of the Smartphone road compared to other options about to hit the market (a 4.3-inch 720p display, dual-core 1.4 GHz Qualcomm 400 processor, 1GB of RAM, 16GB of storage and 5 megapixel camera), but Facebook Home preinstalled is what makes the HTC First special. Home pushes your friends status updates to the front of your phone making it easy to seemless flip through updates on where the party's at. It also integrates Facebook messages with the phones standard SMS.

Man Card, $7.99

It pays for everything, it gets you out of any sticky spot. The Man Card.

Side Project Jerky Cowboy, $13

Every bro worth his salt should like beef jerky: It’s high in protein, it tastes great, and you never DON’T look like a badass while chewing it down. I’ve had Side Project’s brand before, and highly recommend it. Cowboy is their newest flavor offering. Apparently it’s partly made with espresso beans—which should give it a nice caffeine kick. (NOTE: I don’t think it’ll actually give you a caffeine kick.)

Epiphany Eyewear, $399

Believe it or not, Google Glass isn’t the only available pair of smart eyeglasses. Epiphany’s come with 32 gigs of memory, a computer, and an HD video camera.

Nike Basketball Elite Series, TBA

Due out June 1, the latest edition of the Elite series, featuring LeBron, KD, and Kobe sneaks, are said to be inspired by the Larry O’Brien trophy. In which case…. Sorry, Kobe?

Diss ‘n’ Gauges Multi-Pack, $3.99

Advertised as “the best and funniest way” to start or end a conversation, Diss ‘n’ Gauges uses “BS detectors,” “Give-a-Crap Meters” and other digital responses that can shut down a friend, help pick up a girl, and, hopefully, completely remove your ability to speak.

Coen Brothers Art Prints, $25

Because this really ties the room together.

The Cool 500, $28

Catching a car guy watching Top Gear is incredibly similar to catching any other guy watching pornography. They both share the same slightly lost look. The same embarrassment. The same pants around the ankles. Here’s the show's answer to Playboy, Top Gear: The Cool 500, a book of the 500 coolest cars ever released. It spans from pre-war vintages to supercars of the future, and you cannot beat the Stig while beat you in a race with any of them.

iPourIt, TBA

iPourIt allows customers to pour their own beer. Meaning, yes, there’s no more waiting in a crowd for a chance encounter with a bartender. Meaning, yes again, your bar tab might end up being astronomically high with this thing. “I’m not sure why the machine says I had 17? I kind of lost count.”

Old Forester Tasting Experience, $Unlisted

Okay, get a load of this: Old Forester, a single-barrel bourbon crafted in Kentucky, is offering the chance for a very wealthy drunk to lay claim to his own barrel. It should produce between 200-240 bottles, which will all feature your name and logo prominently featured. Buying the barrel also buys you a trip to Kentucky for a tasting experience and a look at where the magic is made. There is no listed price on this. You can probably guess what that means.

Andy Moore

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