Gear
by Andy Moore on January 3, 2014

Johnnie Walker Gold Reserve Scotch Whiskey, $87

Brand new for the winter, Johnnie Walker's Gold Reserve is a limited edition whiskey with a reflective gold bottle that should really make your never-cleaned kitchen sparkle. Of course, it's what's inside the bottle that really counts—and the Gold Reserve delivers a high-end liquor with oak flavors and a fruity nose and smoke flavorings.

Don't worry: No gold flakes included. (“Super girly, I know.”)

Burton 2014 Snowboarding Jackets, $TBA

Burton's Winter Olympics uniform looks like what would happen if a dirty hoodie slept with a Ralph Lauren fleece after the two met at a Colorado Phish show. This is, surprisingly, a good thing. The patchwork takes inspiration from an old quilt, and Burton says it was going for a laid-back vibe, in line with snowboarding culture and “American creativity.”

Unfortunately, unless you're Shaun White or one of his teammates, you can't own this. But! Burton is releasing hoodies and shirts with similar patterns this month, so be on the lookout.

Inflatable Game, $17

Stop spear-hunting that Great White for the space above your fireplace. You'll lose limbs. Get this inflatable number instead—it'll kill in a frat house/bachelor pad.

SWIMS Rain Boots, $194-99

Thrillist calls SWIMS' boots the “most sophisticated rain boots you've ever seen.” They're actually constructed using 3M Scotchguard treated nylon for maximum water-resistance; thankfully, they're a little better looking than office supplies. The Harry's run $194, the Charles II's, $199.

Nike SB Stefan Janoski Max, €114

I'm a little surprised by how much I like these SB Stefan Janoski Max's, especially since the idea of a running shoe/skateboarding shoe mix sounds horrible. Preorder them now—the clean kicks are expected to be released in February.

Fully Automatic Rubber Band Machine Gun, $85

Some asshole in your office drop $5 on a rubber band gun at CVS? Is he terrorizing the office with it? ESCALATE THINGS.

The rubber band machine gun comes equipped with 800 rubber bands and a fully automatic trigger mechanism that lets you shoot 672 shots in 48 seconds flat. From 16 total barrels. That's 14 rubber bands per second. That is awesome.

There is no easier way to become King of the Office than to bring in a rubber band gun with literal gatling gun technology. Trust me.

Caffeinated Shaving Product, $25

It doesn't give you a lot of energy. But apparently this shaving cream with caffeine is great for redness and acts as an antioxidant. 

Plowz, $25

PSA for the weekend: Don't want to plow your driveway? You request a plow on the app, and your plower shows up. You pay through the app. 

You don't even have to be home—Plowz takes a picture of your freshly-plowed driveway and emails it to you. (Yes, this would be a very good gift for your grandparents.)

Breath Alcohol Monitor by Lapka, $199

Feel like reenacting Tucker Max's infamous “Sushi Pants” story? There's an app for that. Lapka BAM is a breathalyzer that fits in your palm, wirelessly delivering your BAC to your iPhone after you blow for just four seconds. You'll have to pay handsomely, though, for this story: It runs a cool $199. (On second thought, the Lapka might just be for people with serious problems.)

Bugatti x Roland Iten Belt Buckle, $84,000

Bugatti has made a foray into the fashion world. Its first product: A belt buckle done in collaboration with mechanical luxury pioneers Roland Iten. The buckle features hand-crafted bridges, cogs, wheels, springs, and pinions. Its adorned with rose gold and sapphire crystals—there will be just 44 pieces made. It costs 84 grand.

DON'T ACTUALLY BUY THIS, YOU FUCKING RUSSIAN OLIGARCH. No one should buy this.

It's an $84,000 belt. For God's sake, man. $84,000.

Andy Moore

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