You're probably cold. Don't burn your cash for warmth, Pablo Escobar. Spend it on this stuff instead.
Temple Run 2, $Free
Let's just say I downloaded this yesterday, and putting this list together took about three hours longer than it normally does. These things are related.
Nike Air Epic, $110
These are pretty dope, and they work as both a running and a more casual, everyday shoe. Plus if you're a Mets fan, you might dig the colors. At least before the team takes the field again.
Shit Seasoning, $9
Great name, great seasoning. The "Good Shit" seasoning makes your food sweet and salty. The "Aw Shit" gives it a hot and spicy flavor. And the "Special Shit" is actually a clever way to package and sell mass quantities of PCP.
A great gift for the spectacularly lazy beer-drinkers out there (so everyone?), the RC Cooler is a cooler operated by a hand-held remote control. For those moments when you don't feel like throwing a beer to your fumble-fingered friend and hitting him in the face yet again, and for that time when you realize your dog just isn't going to get this trick down... the RC Cooler. Buy it today. 'Merica.
"Seven Psychopaths," $19.99
"Seven Psychopaths" was a weird movie that will probably warrant multiple viewings in order to unravel its twisted plot (and to fully appreciate its pitch-black humor). And if you don't want to see it multiple times? Fast forward to around an hour in. It's a scene in a bar with Christopher Walken and Colin Farrell. Walken is offered a drink and he declines, explaining that he doesn't drink booze—"I take peyote," he says. I promise: The way he says the word "peyote" is the funniest thing from any movie in 2012.
Our friends at Cool Material swear by this watch, calling it them "eye catching enough to be cool for at least the next three 'seasons.'" If you can pull off the camo, spring for that version.
Yahoo! Sportacular, $Free
Re-Released on January 22, Yahoo!'s giant new sports presence on the iPhone and Android has already been called the "mother of all sports apps." (Meaning ESPN's ScoreCenter has some catching up to do.) Why do we really like it? Not only does it feature news, scores, standings, and schedules for twenty sporting leagues, it hasn't forgotten about the millions of degnerate gamblers out there—each game preview includes O/U spreads and odds. Now, if only football and basketball announcers would mention spreads and lines.
"Fresh Off the Boat," $14.44
We're big Eddie Huang fans around here—for his delicious restaurant BaoHaus, for his Vice show "Fresh Off the Boat," and for this interview when he told us he "fucks with some funfetti cake," among other things. Early reviews of his memoir have made clear that it's as brash and memorable as his over-the-top personality, meaning it'll definitely be worth a read when it drops on January 29th.
GoPro HD Hero, $278.50
Why? Have you seen a video on the Internet lately? Every skateboarder, mountain climber, and, uh, dog is strapping a GoPro camera to their heads lately, and the results have been spectacular. If you plan on doing something—anything—cool in the future, record it with one of these tiny and durable cameras so you can suitably impress your bros.
3000 Cars for Sale in Florida, $Various
Finally we end with an item to wish for. This week it's 3,000 KICKASS cars for sale in Kissimmee, Florida— ranging from a 1978 Pontiac Trans-Am (which, oh hell yeah, includes the original paint job), to a 1966 Shelby Cobra roadster that's set to go for around $800k.
Check out info on more of the cars in the auction here. And if you're more into visual stimulation, we included some car porn below:
YES MY PANTS ARE OFF.