10 Things comin' at ya (watch your step, kid, watch your step, kid).
Office Bro Kit, $33
It's ridiculous, but true: The Office Bro Kit (OBK) exists. Within it you can find everything, its creators claim, that the "matured" bro needs to survive cubicle hell: an Omicron Beta Kappa-branded mousepad and coffee mug; a grip strengthener and stress release ball to keep that handshake powerful; an emergency beer pong kit; a shotgun bottle opener; and ten office bro business cards, which should be gone after one night out at a bar. (Bros are social animals, you see.)
Buy it, then play a 3-round 'Ruit series on the conference room table during the Monday a.m. meetings. So alpha.
Mitchell & Ness Caps, $28
Thrillist just stocked a nice new collection of Mitchell & Ness alternate-logo NFL caps that'll kill with the $400 XXXL Vinny Testaverde jersey you so wisely bought from Mitchell & Ness in 2003. The throwbacks were hot back then! It was okay!
Shreddies: The underwear that muffles and filters the smell out of your farts. Where, dear wondrous creation, were you in middle school.
How do Shreddies work? According to the official press release, "Shreddies flatulence filtering underwear features a ‘Zorflex’ activated carbon back panel that absorbs all flatulence odours. Due to its highly porous nature, the odour vapours become trapped and neutralised by the cloth, which is then reactivated by simply washing the garment." The price for these baked-beans pants is a bit steep, but can you really put a cost on underwear that makes you smell like roses?
iPad Air, $499
The new iPad Air kind of makes you wish for more from Apple—a new revolutionary product like an iPod or iPhone—but until that day comes, this looks like quite a holdover. The iPad Air is 20% thinner, weighing in at one pound, with a 9.7-inch Retina display and faster WiFi, faster processing speed, etc. etc. Ships Nov. 1.
Beer Press Coasters, $16
Perfect for a frat castle or bachelor pad, the Beer Press Coasters lend a classy touch to your fire-damaged and vaguely sticky coffee tables. The full $16 coaster set features quotes about drinking from some of history's greatest imbibers, including Ben Franklin, Winston Churchill, and Homer Simpson.
Winter Jack, $19
It's winter liquor season! Jack Daniel's just released a Tennessee cider, "Winter Jack," that combines apple cider liqueur, whiskey and some seasonal spices. Downside: Only 15% alcohol. So drink heartily.
Level Money, $Free
Level is a free app with a fairly simple purpose: You link it to your bank account, and it tells you how much spendable cash you have on hand each day, week, and month. If you spend more on the weekends, it'll adjust to your balling bonafides. No data entry required.
Why I really like Level—after just a week of testing it out, so my word isn't great, but anyway— is that it seems aimed for young people who aren't necessarily focused on 401ks and retirement and "saving money." It's a handy way for even the most irresponsible of us to casually budget. And it's a nice kick in the ass if you need to be stopped from eBay bidding on that Space Jam TAZ jersey.
Oh My God, $5
The world's best comedian just released an hour of all-new material for only $5. Even if you saw the tour and subsequent HBO special, you're going to want to keep Oh My God for posterity's sake. Genius stuff.
Damson Jet, $199
Damson makes powerful, wireless Bluetooth speakers—like the Jet (above), which packs a lot of sound in a sleek, portable frame. Perfect for parties and tailgates and other stuff that requires some background tunes.
Heineken Sub Fridge Tap, $TBA
"The Sub" is a two-liter keg of Heineken. You keep it in your fridge; it stays fresh for a full 15 days. The home brew system is insanely cool—especially if you're a Heineken drinker long before Bond made it cool again—but there is a downside: It won't be ready 'till next year, and even then, those bastards in France and Italy will get their hands on it first.
Hopefully, it won't be too late in 2014 before the Sub makes its way overseas, whether it's above or below water.