Gear
by Ben Aylesworth on May 20, 2014

guys-cargo-pants

The Great Sid Mashburn once said, “Guys don’t need a lot of choices, they need the right choice.”  Fellas, listen up! It’s time to lose all those college fashion disasters that will keep you from bagging the hottest chick in the room.

1. Keep the frosting for the cakes!  All that hair bleaching, and highlighting you’re doing can’t be working out well. If you’re spending more time at the salon than the ladies, just stop it!

2. Guys it’s time to retire your Von Dutch and Ed Hardy gear.  It is literally “Visual Misery” If you are really hesitant to change, just ask any woman to your left or right and see what kind of reaction you get.

3.  Number 3 is important; listen and read carefully. For those of you still going to tanning salons, getting sprayed up so orange that Halloween is intimidated, you need to cut it out. It’s cool to be tan, if and only if you have actually been out in the sun. Now often times tanning salons pose as brothels, so if you are going under those pretenses feel free to keep doing what you’re doing and don’t hesitate to pass the info on to a friend or 2!

4.  If you would like to be continuously ridiculed by the “won’t ever get laid fashion police,” keep wearing cargo shorts circa 1997. There is no need to have shorts that reach your shins. Secondly, keep your “pocket ratio” small. Remember, never wear shorts to work unless you are a lifeguard and it is never, ever ok to wear shorts on a date.  Lastly, please stay away from the pleats. Whatever you think of our advice, we really do want you to get laid!

5. All you Axl Rose cronies, the days of the du-rag have ended. On the streets, at the gym or in class. It’s over; it has passed; besides Snoop Dogg wears enough for all of us. If you absolutely must wear one, try a save the date and do it at Coachella.

6. There was one minute during the 2013 NBA playoffs where it was cool to wear glasses without lenses, but thankfully that time has come and gone. Now, it’s just plain stupid. All you college guys keeping this trend alive and telling your buddies this is cool; in a roundabout way you are literally promoting abstinence. Put the lenses in or the beer goggles on and enjoy the summer!

7. Lastly, the one that may be hard to kill. Fellas only so many guys can wear a baby blue button up party shirt in the same evening. When the ladies show up they don’t want to feel as if they are going to meet all the Smurfs. If you truly want to pick up the girl, you are going to have to show some individuality. Set yourself apart in something you feel comfortable in, resist the urge to go for old faithful

A few upgrades to consider: Mid-Rise clean denim jeans; lose the Havaianas or at least save them for the beach and purchase some simple moccasins. A good pair of Chukkas can go a long way. Instead of the everyday old sweatshirt, invest in casual cardigan or sweater. You never know who you’re going to meet or who is going to want to take you home in those late night hours. So remember, “If you look like a man, you will feel like a man.” Until Next time, Happy Hunting!

Ben Aylesworth

About Ben Aylesworth...