Gear
by Andy Moore on June 21, 2013

Instagram Video, $Free

The big announcement from the tech world yesterday was this, Instagram Video. Unlike the 6-second, looping videos of Vine, Instagram's service offers 15-second, non-looping snapshots that will show up alongside the still photos as you scroll through your Instagram feed. InVid (I call it that) probably won't be the Vine killer that Facebook may expect—as longtime character actor and big Vine guy Adam Goldberg pointed out yesterday, “It's a completely different technology…. That Vine aesthetic is not possible, unless they decide to make [Instagram video] more touch-sensitive…. It doesn't have that stop-action quality [like Vine].”

But… But those filters, man. It's got filters. Look at those fuckin' filters. Aren't they what got Instagram popular to begin with?

PowerPot, $150

If you plan on camping this summer, the PowerPot could be a must-have. It's an electric generator/cooking pot that converts heat into power, enabling you to charge your iPhone or other USB device while making some ramen. Perfect for hungry people in areas of zero electricity.

New Era Caps, $34.99

The NBA is kaput. The NFL is a fall away. Meaning it's time to plunge back into major league lacrosse baseball. If you're looking to reaffirm your commitment to your team, or want to burn something in frustration and anger—hey, Chicagoans!—then New Era just released a new line of headwear known as the “Diamond Era” series. The 2013 edition marks the introduction for a few new logos, too, like the Rockies' new mountain-based design.

TAD Edition Hatchet, $160

Act out your own Gary Paulson adventures with this hatchet, which combines the small size of a knife with the versatility of a larger cutting tool. 

Paddle Your Own Canoe, Nick Offerman

We made two egregious omissions on the summer reading list we released last week. The first was the new work of longtime BroBible favorite, Karl Welzein (@DadBoner), who has written a tome called Power Moves: Livin' the American Dream, USA Style, essentially a more awesome version of The Odyssey that “chronicles the hilarious decline of Karl Welzein on his journey from life as a Dockers-and-golfshirt-wearing dad to a ponytailed party maniac who spits out his life philosophies like a modern-day Charles Bukowski (if he preferred to get drunk at Applebee's).” What kind of advice can you expect from Karl? How about Karl on, say, fitness? “1. Look at a pic of Stone Cold Steve Austin. 2. Do 'shups 'til you look like Stone Cold. 3. Cut off your sleeves.” Amazingly, but also not that surprisingly, Anthony Bourdain wrote the book's first positive review.

Which brings us to our next volume, also written by a man who knows his way around red meats. Nick Offerman plays Ron Swanson on Parks and Recreation, and is also an expert woodworker, griller, and man. His first book, Paddle Your Own Canoe, promises to turn even the weeniest of boys into Theodore Roosevelt. It comes out this October.

Kisai Breathalyzer Watch, $149

The price moves this item from “gag” gift to “I have a drinking problem and need help” gift, but the Kisai watch is still undoubtedly cool. A wrist device that time, date, and BAC, you simply open a sensor cap, press the “alcohol” button, and give a five-second blow for an accurate reading. The watch will then light up in accordance with your sloppiness. Green is sober, yellow is “buzzing,” and red is “YOU'RE THE FUCKING MAN, CHAMP. NOW GO KICK THAT TRASH CAN.”

Monster Water Cannon, $49.95

True story: In college, I once blew all my monthly food money on an $80 Super Soaker that featured triple-action water shooters and two pints of water storage, all perfectly designed for maximum damage. Any regrets? Pshh…

Yeah, a lot actually. I was very hungry.

Welp, this gun makes my beauty look like a Saturday Night Special. The Monster Water Cannon comes complete with a “dedicated Gatling gun-esque tripod,” AND it shoots a powerful stream up to 100 feet. It is all that a water gun can be. I must have it.

Whistle, $99

Be the NSA/PRISM to your dog: Whistle tracks your dog's activities including walks, play, and rest, “giving you a new perspective on day-to-day behavior and long-term health trends.” Could be really beneficial to making sure he's being a GOOD BOY, SUCH A GOOD BOY.

Turbocool, $31

Our buddies at Guyism reviewed the Turbocool this week. It's a counterpart to the more positive video seen above:

TurboCool launched a Kickstarter campaign for their beverage cooling device that can supposedly cool your beer “in just seconds” without any electricity. It’s basically a salad spinner for beer.

It takes two cups ice, three cups of water, and a minute of pumping to cool a beer 12-15 degrees. Two minutes of pumping gets it down about 20 degrees.

 

But while they came away lukewarm (sorry) with the idea, I'm still open to anything that promises to (quickly) get a beer down to less than scalding temperatures.

Aston Martin Vanquish Volante, $300,000

If you're looking for an impulse buy—you know, something you might grab on the way back from the Winn-Dixie—then this Aston Martin might be the way to go. Just released, the Vanquish Volante boasts a slick topless design, a top speed of 183 mph, and it goes 0-60 in a little over four seconds. So it's for the kids. Says Uncrate:

Not only is it powerful, it's also light — thanks to a completely carbon fiber body and aluminum chassis (all without sacrificing structural rigidity). The lightweight, fabric roof folds flat in just 14 seconds, exposing the beautifully-appointed interior, and its passengers, to the sun in no time.

 

I would say more, but I'd just end up mimicking Ryan Reynolds here. “Seeeexy.”