Gear
by Andy Moore on February 22, 2013

The Slussen, $14.99

A U-shaped, pocket-sized audio jack, the Slussen connects your phone with a pair of headphones and a sound system, creating a portable DJ system that you control with the product's free iPhone app. The makers call it the “most powerful after-party weapon known to man,” but why stop there? Use it to become a college DJ. For God's sake, there aren't enough of those out there. Wide open market.

Beercade: The Last Barfighter, $TBA

From the site Tuesday:

Diehard fans of the show “Shark Tank” (just me?) will remember this invention proposal: What if you put a keg into an arcade machine, and configured it so that every time you won a game, the machine gave you a stern pour? Imagine: You're in an arcade, spending an afternoon coasting through Cruis'n USA's San Francisco track, and each time your cherry-red Corvette crosses the finish line, you put your cup underneath the spout beside the gear shift—and boom, out comes some frothy goodness. The 90's bikini babes cheer you on. This is my heaven.

The advertising firm McKinney has done just that, creating an arcade machine that pours a Big Boss beer for the winner of their own “Street Fighter”-type game. And while the game looks truly terrible—or, at least, it's no Cruis'n USA—we're just happy to see this idea out there in the wild.

 

Sony PS4, $Around 500

The Sony PS4 was announced Wednesday. It's currently slated to arrive in our lives this holiday season. What can you expect?

1. Great graphics.

Check out this actual gameplay from Killzone: Shadow Fall:

2. A cool controller.

Complete with a touchscreen, motion sensors, and a new “Share” button which allows you to upload content online.

3. A robust online presence.

Featuring a new interface, hundreds of old games available to stream, and what promises to be a vibrant community. Free online access was always the major advantage the PS3 held over the 360, so we're pretty excited about what this new-generation console might have in store.

(That price, by the way, is just an estimate, based off the original price of the PS3 and what looks to be easier-to-make/more generic hardware, which should drive the cost down.)

The Best Beer Labels Ever, $Various

We can't vouch for the taste or alcohol content of these beers, but their badass labels should mask any unpleasant hops inside. I'm a big fan of the lucha libre masks on the “Cerveceria Sagrada Guero Gomez” bottles. And you can't really go wrong with the cartoon images of our finest historical figures tipping one back—George Washington getting rowdy at a pub should alone make the “21st Amendment” sixer worth a purchase. Find more here.

A Hammer, $32.65

The Oscars are this weekend. You might be forced to watch it, be it an obligation to a signficant other or some other misguided purpose. This hammer should knock yourself out long enough. Be careful to not aim for your temple.

Thanks Bro, $Avg 40-50 

“Thanks, Bro” popped up on our radar this week, and we’re big fans. Josh Folan, the proprietor of the service, started it back March 2011 as a hand-to-hand delivery service in Manhattan. He felt there was a stigma in “bro gifting”—a hesitance for guys to give their buddies gifts—and came up with an alternative: A gift bag that features delicious SlantShack beef jerky, a beer gift certificate, and a pack of 1990 Topps NFL cards. (After Josh swung by the office to hand us our Thanks Bro set, and after we had polished off all the beef jerky, J. Camm opened the cards and discovered a rookie card of “Rowdy” Jeff George, his all-time favorite player. It was fate.)

In the future, the Topps cards might be replaced by something else male-centric. Vintage Nintendo knock-offs are said to possibly be in the works. For now, though, Josh has focused on expanding the service from its soft New York opening into 45 states.

And, perhaps most importantly, if you hate the person you’re buying for, “Thanks, Bro” also offers the “Fuck You, Bro” gift pack. Seriously. It comes with a mean card, a Slim Jim, and no Rowdy Jeff George.

Treadwall, $By request

This is pretty sick. The Treadwall puts a rock wall in motion, allowing you climb as long as your body can hold up. Its speed and angle are also adjustable.

The only downside? While the exercise may be great, you never reach the top. No matter how hard you try, how much you train, how far you go—you never get there. Not the equipment for the depressed.

Google Glass, $TBA

Augmented reality glasses that point to our increasingly bizarre future, Google Glass will allow you to record everything from your eyes, share what you see—live—and take pictures by saying the words, “Take a picture.” The set will also give you directions, translate your language (fuck you, Rosetta Stone!), and display notifications, like email or appointment reminders, right in front of you.

Helllo, Skynet.

Death Wish Coffee, $19.99

Morning people are a myth. No one is actually a morning person. Those who claim to be a morning person are just adept at dragging themselves out of bed, drinking this Death Wish coffee—made with beans 200% more caffeinated than your normal coffee shop's!—and then main-lining speed. 

The Fortress, £80,000

Every dude enjoys a nice cigar. When you're young, smoking one is a way to pretend you're more successful than the truth would dictate; when you're old, smoking one is a sign of your status, a power move, if you will. Cigars are JFK, cigars are Winston Churchill, cigars are Michael Jordan. Cigars are just cool.

And now, gents, I have seen the Fortress. And I have seen the ultimate in cigar technology. It's actually kind of absurd.

A combination watch safe/cigar humidor, the Fortress looks like it'd be right at home in Tony Montana's gaudy palace, and it'd probably survive a shootout from Sosa's gunmen there, too. “The safe comes with a million dollar guarantee for its contents – and is covered with calfskin to make sure it fits into any well decorated living room,” says the Daily Mail's article. “Among its features the Fortress includes eight watch winders and a humidor. Using specially designed software, each watch winder is individually controlled, and owners can set the amount and even direction of winding. Inside the safe there is also a humidor made of original Spanish cedar, with an electronic humidifying system show the owners information about the conditions their cigars are in.”

Unfortunately, until we can all afford this bad boy, back into the shoebox go ours.