Bionic Boots Can Help People Reach Running Speeds Of Up To 45 MPH And In Related News WANT

I always had speed. Until I reached a certain age and now only thing I can do fast is finish in bed.

Speaking of finishing early, these Bionic Boots made me finish in my pants.

Since he was a teenager, Keahi Seymour has admired the incredible speeds of the Ostrich and other land-dwelling two-legged creatures. With ostriches able to reach top speeds of up to 45 mph, Seymour was determined to unlock the secret to their quickness.

His solution: super boots that (literally) add a spring to your step, increasing your force and speed.

These would be perfect for sex. I wouldn’t last any longer but I could run away from embarrassment much, much faster.

[H/T: RSVLTS]

Chris Illuminati avatar
Chris Illuminati is a 5-time published author and recovering a**hole who writes about running, parenting, and professional wrestling.